The Eye of the Beholder

Ma Smash, holding my baby book: Look how beautiful you were. All the nurses just gasped! Me: And then did you get off their foot? Ma Smash: Listen, Fresh Wax, you can make fun of your old mother all you want, but I’m telling you that they were completely amazed. They all agreed they’d neverContinue reading “The Eye of the Beholder”

Turkey Day With Ma Smash

So, I’m sitting on the sofa in the Boston office (Ma Smash’s house), working on my laptop, when all of a sudden a horrid noise starts up by the window just behind our heads. It seriously sounded like a hammer, or maybe the hook man trying to get in. TAP TAP TAP. Me: What isContinue reading “Turkey Day With Ma Smash”

I Have Also Been Doing Work

But mainly, I’ve been writing and playing Bejeweled. Seriously, that’s what I’ve been up to for the past week. This is partly because I have the flu and partly because I am a lazy, lazy woman who only likes writing little stories and playing video games. As far as the little stories go, I shouldContinue reading “I Have Also Been Doing Work”

Did I Mention My Mom’s a Nurse, and That I’m a Spinster Lady?

Ma Smash: I got here right in time to see him born. Me: No way! He was waiting! Ma Smash: Yup! Three pushes and he was out. Me: Ew. Ma Smash: Oh, look! Here comes the placenta! Me: EW. Ma Smash: That’s so interesting. You know, it looks just like cube steak! Welcome to planetContinue reading “Did I Mention My Mom’s a Nurse, and That I’m a Spinster Lady?”

Even Ma Smash Has Her Limits

Ma Smash: (About a mutual acquaintance.) Girlfriend? Oh, that’s right: She’s bisexual, isn’t she? Me: She’s not bisexual. Ma Smash: I thought she was. Me: She says she is. Ma Smash: You don’t think she is? Me: If she’s bisexual, I will go right out into the street and have sex with the first womanContinue reading “Even Ma Smash Has Her Limits”