Last week, Adam and I went on a day trip to the Cape with my folks. This time of year, that means looking at the ocean, eating fried things, and breaking into people’s houses. I’m exaggerating, but only slightly.
Ma Smash is, in fact, wee.
Ma Smash, holding my baby book: Look how beautiful you were. All the nurses just gasped! Me: And then did you get off their foot? Ma Smash: Listen, Fresh Wax, you can make fun of your old mother all you want, but I’m telling you that they were completely amazed. They all agreed they’d neverContinue reading “The Eye of the Beholder”
Ma Smash: Is this your first day off in two weeks? My poor baby! Me: It is. And I feel weird, you know? Like I should be doing something productive. I have all this time all of a sudden. Ma Smash: What do you think you’ll do? Me: I thought I’d poop and wash myContinue reading “Ma Smash Helps With the Schedule”
So, I’m sitting on the sofa in the Boston office (Ma Smash’s house), working on my laptop, when all of a sudden a horrid noise starts up by the window just behind our heads. It seriously sounded like a hammer, or maybe the hook man trying to get in. TAP TAP TAP. Me: What isContinue reading “Turkey Day With Ma Smash”
But mainly, I’ve been writing and playing Bejeweled. Seriously, that’s what I’ve been up to for the past week. This is partly because I have the flu and partly because I am a lazy, lazy woman who only likes writing little stories and playing video games. As far as the little stories go, I shouldContinue reading “I Have Also Been Doing Work”
Ma Smash: I got here right in time to see him born. Me: No way! He was waiting! Ma Smash: Yup! Three pushes and he was out. Me: Ew. Ma Smash: Oh, look! Here comes the placenta! Me: EW. Ma Smash: That’s so interesting. You know, it looks just like cube steak! Welcome to planetContinue reading “Did I Mention My Mom’s a Nurse, and That I’m a Spinster Lady?”
Ma Smash: Hi, honey!Me: Hi, Mom. I’m in a cab and I have to tell you, I think I’m drunk. Ma Smash: Oh, dear. Well, I guess it’s a good thing you’re not in the subway then.Me: Dennis wouldn’t let me. Ma Smash: He’s a good boy. You tell him I said that. Sweetheart? Me:Continue reading “Virtual Cab Ride With Ma Smash”
Ma Smash: (About a mutual acquaintance.) Girlfriend? Oh, that’s right: She’s bisexual, isn’t she? Me: She’s not bisexual. Ma Smash: I thought she was. Me: She says she is. Ma Smash: You don’t think she is? Me: If she’s bisexual, I will go right out into the street and have sex with the first womanContinue reading “Even Ma Smash Has Her Limits”
A couple weeks ago, Ma Smash got whacked in the head with an X-ray machine at work. She’s a nurse, so this isn’t as strange as it would be if, say, I were whacked in the head with an X-ray machine at work. Anyhoo, she got a concussion and had to have a head CT,Continue reading “Atrophy Appropriate to Age”