Virtual Cab Ride With Ma Smash

Ma Smash: Hi, honey!

Me:
Hi, Mom. I’m in a cab and I have to tell you, I think I’m drunk.

Ma Smash: Oh, dear. Well, I guess it’s a good thing you’re not in the subway then.

Me:
Dennis wouldn’t let me.

Ma Smash: He’s a good boy. You tell him I said that. Sweetheart?

Me: Hmmm?

Ma Smash:
Sorry, I thought you made a sound.

Me: It stinks in here.

Ma Smash: Oh dear.

Me:
It does. It smells like the backside of balls on a hot day.

Ma Smash:
Excuse me, miss: And how would you know?

Me: Er.

Ma Smash: On second thought, I don’t want to know.

Me: I heard it somewhere.

Ma Smash:
Just take a shower when you get home. And wash your hair.

I weep for those who must subsist without the advice of their mothers.

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