Ma Smash: Is this your first day off in two weeks? My poor baby!
Me: It is. And I feel weird, you know? Like I should be doing something productive. I have all this time all of a sudden.
Ma Smash: What do you think you’ll do?
Me: I thought I’d poop and wash my hair.
Ma Smash: (Soothingly.) See that? That’s a full day, right there!