Ma Smash: (About a mutual acquaintance.) Girlfriend? Oh, that’s right: She’s bisexual, isn’t she?
Me: She’s not bisexual.
Ma Smash: I thought she was.
Me: She says she is.
Ma Smash: You don’t think she is?
Me: If she’s bisexual, I will go right out into the street and have sex with the first woman I see.
Ma Smash: Oh my. Oh no.
Me: In fact, I’ll go over to the bodega and have sex with that one lady behind the counter who doesn’t have any teeth at all. That’s what I’ll do.
Ma Smash: I’ll give you five real American dollars if you don’t.