all hail the Drunken Mouse

Recent Email From the Mouse

What follows is an email from the Drunken Mouse, sent yesterday and still amusing me today: Had a few drinks last night and you were a momentary topic of conversation: OVERHEARD ABOUT JEN HUBLEY IN NEW YORK Drunk 1: So your friend Jen… Drunken Mouse: Yeah? Drunk 1: She is a good drinker. Drunken Mouse: ThatContinue reading “Recent Email From the Mouse”

Public Service Announcement: Your Balls

The answer to every question is: “Your balls.” Allow me to demonstrate. Me: Are you coming to the party on Thursday? Drunken Mouse: I might. Lady Mouse’s birthday is the day before. Me: Oh! That’s right. Drunken Mouse: Yeah. I am taking her to [redacted.] It’s a schmancy place that will require me shaving. Me:Continue reading “Public Service Announcement: Your Balls”

Regarding Jealousy

Drunken Mouse: well. it’s kinda like one time when [redacted] was all super chatty with Lady Mouse at last new years Drunken Mouse: i was like time for my famous cockblock Me: did you ask him how he was healing up? Drunken Mouse: hahahaha Me: “the sores almost gone? [redacted]?” Drunken Mouse: well i wasContinue reading “Regarding Jealousy”

My Ugly Love, You Are a Messy Chesnut

Jennie Smash: hey, park sloperJennie Smash: is it safe for me to walk from my apt to stonehome in ft greene tonight?Jennie Smash: or do i need to get a car?Drunken Mouse: it is pretty safeJennie Smash: that’s what i thoughtJennie Smash: and it’s a nice walkJennie Smash: i have a match.com dateDrunken Mouse: walkContinue reading “My Ugly Love, You Are a Messy Chesnut”

Fair Warning

So, here’s a thing about me: If you’re my friend, at some point, you will receive a text from me that says, “You like big balls.” This is regardless of gender or sexual preference. It’s to keep me entertained, and I think we can all agree that that’s safer. Anyway: This weekend, my pal CedricContinue reading “Fair Warning”

Return of the Mouse

The Mouse has a lady, so he’s much better behaved these days. Still, you can’t treat a drunken mouse sober tricks, or something, so it wasn’t really a total surprise when we found ourselves out late on a school night, lurching toward a diner and singing while the Mouse kicked over trashcans. “Hey,” I said,Continue reading “Return of the Mouse”