boobs – Jennie Smash

I’m Not Going to Breastfeed, Because I Don’t Feel Like It

Don’t get excited: I’m not pregnant, and it’s not on the schedule for a bit yet. But although I’m up in the air about a few parenting things, there’s one thing I’m 100 percent sure of: I’m not going to breastfeed the little bebe when he makes his debut. There are a number of reasonsContinue reading “I’m Not Going to Breastfeed, Because I Don’t Feel Like It”

Hi, It’s Raining

I’m telling you because I’m sure you haven’t noticed. Of course, some of you might actually live in a place where it hasn’t rained for 4000 consecutive days, where the sidewalks aren’t currently rejecting more water because they’re full up, in the manner of a sponge, where every piece of clothing you own doesn’t smellContinue reading “Hi, It’s Raining”

Recent Email From the Mouse

What follows is an email from the Drunken Mouse, sent yesterday and still amusing me today: Had a few drinks last night and you were a momentary topic of conversation: OVERHEARD ABOUT JEN HUBLEY IN NEW YORK Drunk 1: So your friend Jen… Drunken Mouse: Yeah? Drunk 1: She is a good drinker. Drunken Mouse: ThatContinue reading “Recent Email From the Mouse”

Boob Dress

I accidentally cleaned my whole apartment today. It started innocently enough. I was looking for my boob dress for New Year’s. My boob dress is the most ta-ta displaying outfit in my collection, and I haul it out for special occasions involving alcohol consumption and inappropriate behavior. (Like New Year’s, for example.) Unfortunately, I couldn’tContinue reading “Boob Dress”

OK, But OW

Because I know you live for updates on my menstrual cycle, I need to tell you that my boobs hurt right now, possibly more than boobs have ever hurt. This is at least partially because I wore a low-cut dress to the Mouse’s housewarming party last weekend, causing several people to grab my bosom asContinue reading “OK, But OW”