So, I thought I was going to have to go back on antidepressants, but then it turned out I was just getting my period. This happens to me every month, because despite having had my period for 25 years, it always comes as a shock to me. I think this must be related to thatContinue reading “For Some Reason, My Period Is Always a Surprise”
Sgt Lucky: (Looking at my foot.) Oh my God. Are you all right? Me: Yeah. It’s just my gross plantar’s wart. Remember? I made you buy the medicine for me and pretend to have the wart yourself. Just like when I wanted to read Twilight and I didn’t want to buy it so I madeContinue reading “The Lucky Channel”
So, my thyroid ultrasound came back and everything looks good: No nodules, no giant tumor with tentacles, not even a goiter. This last is almost too bad, as I had a name for my goiter, and had been running around talking about it like it was a person. “Does that salt have iodine in it?Continue reading “But My Non-Imaginary Friends Are Such Smartasses…”
Sgt. Lucky: And here we have another person leaving their life partner while that partner is dying. Me: Yup. Sgt. Lucky: The theme of this show isn’t “Everyone lies.” It’s “Nobody loves you.” A few weeks ago we were watching House and the diagnosis hinged on whether or not the patient was cheating on herContinue reading “Watching ‘House’ With Sgt. Lucky”
Me: The more I hear about giving birth, the more I think I probably won’t be able to do it. Sgt Lucky: Yes, you will. Me: No, I mean, it seems to take hours and cause sweating. I hate both those things. Also, I’m pretty sure my makeup will run. Sgt Lucky: You’ll look cute.Continue reading “Sgt Lucky Is the Adult Around Here”
Me: Are those my pants? Sgt. Lucky: Are they? I couldn’t figure out when I bought them. Me: They totally are! OMG, you’re wearing girl pants. Sgt. Lucky: Actually, I think you were wearing boy pants. Wait – are those my pants? Me: (Looks down guiltily.) What, these? Yes. Yes, they are.
Sgt. Lucky: I have a twitch in my eye. I had one in my leg earlier. Me: You probably need potassium. Eat a banana. Sgt. Lucky: I don’t WANT a banana. Me: Bananas are good for you. Sgt. Lucky: You’re obsessed with bananas. You can’t get me to eat them. I won’t do it! Me:Continue reading “B. A-N-A-N-A-S.”
Sgt. Lucky: Are you wearing my socks? Me: Oh. Um. Yes. Yes, I am. Sgt. Lucky: Nooo! You’ll stretch them out. They’re be GIRL-SHAPED. Me: OK, OK. How exactly do socks become girl-shaped? Sgt. Lucky: They get … foot boobs. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why we’re getting married.
Another thing that happened, while I was away from you: Sgt. Lucky and I got engaged. I actually figured I’d written about this and was aghast to realize that I hadn’t. I guess I forgot that I basically disappeared for a year there, as far as blogging goes. Engagement Day 2009, as it will everContinue reading “Sadie, Sadie, Married Lady”