If you know me in real life, you know that I’m a hypochondriac. One of my fears about becoming a parent was that I’d transfer this lunacy onto my child and become one of those moms who never lets her kid do anything, because germs-sharp things-dangerous machinery-heights-scary news stories. Instead, it turns out that I’mContinue reading “Baby’s First Medical Emergency”
It’s public-restroom changing tables. There, previewers, I saved you a click. If you’re still with me, I’ll explain. Public changing tables are predictably loathsome. They’re in a public restroom, obviously, so they’re covering in filth both visible and invisible. Visible: actual feces, more often than seems reasonable or even possible. Invisible: IDK, C.diff? The plague?Continue reading “This Is the Biggest Parenting Nightmare for a Germaphobe”
I’m thinking eastern Europe is responsible. No, hear me out.
“Everything Is Killing You” is an ongoing series about my weirdo health problems and things I think you should be worried about. A week or so ago, I finally got an answer to the question that had been plaguing me the past couple months. (The question, in case you forgot, was “What the eff isContinue reading “Everything Is Killing You: When a Broken Back Is Good News”
“Everything Is Killing You” is an ongoing series on things I think you should be worried about. A month ago, I got off the treadmill at the gym and felt a twinge in my left hip. I rolled my eyes, stretched, showered, took some Ibuprofen, and tried to put it out of my mind. I’mContinue reading “Everything Is Killing You: That Thing of When It Turns Out That Maybe You Really Do Have a Weird Disease”
The trouble with being a hypochondriac is that I, like all pessimists, am eventually doomed to be right.
My hero Anne Lamott once said: “It is not second nature for me to believe that everything is more or less OK.” She could have been talking about me when she said that, and today was a particularly good example of my specific type of mental illness. You see, two days ago, I came downContinue reading “Swine Flu, Swine Flu, Bang-Bang-Bang!”
I am covered with bug bites. This wouldn’t be so bad, but a couple months ago, we had a bedbug scare at Casa de Hub-Luck, and so every time I get a bite of any kind, I’m totally sure we’re infested. Fortunately, I have many friends on the internets. Using Ms. Caryn Solly’s bedbugs FAQ,Continue reading “Skeeters in my Bedroom”
I appear to have sprangled something in my back. I’m not sure what it is, but I can assure you that it’s a very important part of my back and that I need it. If I were to guess what was going on, purely by sensation and the MD I surely deserve after years ofContinue reading “F***ing Ouch”
I scraped my knee this weekend. No listen: I scraped the dickens out of my knee. I mean, I went down like a bag of cement, and there is now a giant freaking hole where the skin over my kneecap used to be. And no, I was not drinking. Much. Anyway, here’s a recent convoContinue reading “This Is How You Deal With a Hypochondriac”