Me: Happy almost birthday!
Ma Smash: (Sounding distracted.) Oh, thanks.
Me: Are you OK?
Ma Smash: Yes, well, yes. Yes, I’m fine.
Me: OMGwhatswrong.
Ma Smash: Oh, nothing! I just found a bug in my underpants.
Me: Um, what?
Ma Smash: (Speaking up, to overcome the hearing problem I don’t have.) A BUG. IN MY PANTS. AN UNDERPANTS BUG.
Me: Like … a …. what kind of bug, did you say?
Ma Smash: A horrible outside bug. With a million legs and huge, buggy eyes. It must have crawled into my pants when I was out on the porch. And it was looking at me, Jennie. That’s the worst part.
Me: How exactly do you know that?
Ma Smash: Oh, I know. I know. It was looking at me with it’s horrible buggy eyes, I could just tell. Also, now I’m worried that it took a bite out of my business.
Me: …
Ma Smash: I probably have an albino labia now.
Me: ….
Ma Smash: Hello? Are you there? Are you going to blog this? I think you should. I think my two devoted fans deserve to know about the bug.
And so they do. (And for the record, I’m pretty sure there’s more than two.)
Happy birthday, Ma Smash!
Jennie Smash 
Sigh, miss you, Mommy!
I could have been killed!
i love this!!!! so sorry for ma smash.
I am appalled that the bride-to-be is forced to deal with issues of potential albino parts as HER special day approaches! Shame on you, Ma Smash – trying to steal your baby girl’s spotlight!
(And yes, no doubt you could have been killed, but the chances were far less than other circumstances in which you have found yourself . And I could name a few, right here on-line, if I wanted to get that low!)
A bite? Out of your business? Oh, my. Did I laugh.