Hard to Believe I’m Single

me: roooooooosss
rooooo
kangaroossss
roooons
Ross: you out to get me?
invisibly?
hi there
me: rooooo
i had to go invisible
i’m being stalked. not in a fun way
not with the great charm with which i’m stalking you
Ross: oh damn. you got t o make the joke before i did.
he’s still sticking to it huh?
me: he is indeed
Ross: sure is a go-getter that one
me: ps: if you can’t make in on thursday, the first floral arrangement i send will be one of those giant rose horseshoes they give to the winners of the kentucky derby
Ross: you’re a real pain in the ass you know htat?
lucky you’re cute
me: i’ve been coasting on that shit for years
Ross: i’ll bet
me: the next arrangement will be a discrete bunch of birds of paradise
a lovely flower, fluorescent in hue
only four feet tall
you can put them on your dining room table
Ross: lovely
lovely lovely
me: and then maybe a venus fly trap
Ross: will they give me more energy than i presently have?
me: i could pinch you
that might help
or maybe i could tickle you
but that might just make you pee
or you could come have red bulls and vodka with me TONIGHT and that would both wake you up and absolve you of thursday
Ross: i would, but lo, i’ve a meeting at 7. 😦
and also, ummm…
vodka and Red Bull?
hanging out at fashion week to much if you ask mee…
😉
me: and THAT is why no one asked you
ok, thursday it is
don’t push me
i’m on medication
i can find arrangements with teddy bears
ones that say I WUV YOU
those, of course, i’ll send to your office

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