Jennie Smash

I’m not a great cook for the same reason that I’m not a great driver: I have trouble paying attention to things that are going on in the real world if I have a thought that’s more interesting (to me) than what’s going on. Mostly, I live inside my head. This got me into lots of trouble in school, but I think it makes it easier to get into the writing zone now, and since that’s how I make a living, I guess it all evens out.

Anyway, this weekend, I tried to make the avocado chili, and while I was cooking, I started thinking about how if I built a house, every room would have built-in bookcases, but only the kind with glass fronts, because oy, dust … and then I dumped a bunch of curry powder into the crockpot instead of chili powder. I realized right away (probably when the cloud of curry hit my nose) but it was too late: the curry had seeped into everything, including the expensive organic turkey meat I had bought specially for the occasion.

Here’s how I know the no-caffeine way is better for me: In the old days, I would have had what can only be described as a tantrum, starting with rage at inanimate objects in the kitchen and ending in sobbing over my inability to do anything right. Basically, I turned into that composer muppet on “Sesame Street” who banged his head on the piano and yelled, “I’ll never get it! Never, never, never!”

But now, with my newly calmed adrenals, I just sighed for a minute, shrugged and said to the Frankenchili, “Well, I guess you’re a curry now, motherfucker.”

It was delicious, by the way.

Image: The Muppet Mindset