I’m not a great cook for the same reason that I’m not a great driver: I have trouble paying attention to things that are going on in the real world if I have a thought that’s more interesting (to me) than what’s going on. Mostly, I live inside my head. This got me into lots of trouble in school, but I think it makes it easier to get into the writing zone now, and since that’s how I make a living, I guess it all evens out.
Anyway, this weekend, I tried to make the avocado chili, and while I was cooking, I started thinking about how if I built a house, every room would have built-in bookcases, but only the kind with glass fronts, because oy, dust … and then I dumped a bunch of curry powder into the crockpot instead of chili powder. I realized right away (probably when the cloud of curry hit my nose) but it was too late: the curry had seeped into everything, including the expensive organic turkey meat I had bought specially for the occasion.
Here’s how I know the no-caffeine way is better for me: In the old days, I would have had what can only be described as a tantrum, starting with rage at inanimate objects in the kitchen and ending in sobbing over my inability to do anything right. Basically, I turned into that composer muppet on “Sesame Street” who banged his head on the piano and yelled, “I’ll never get it! Never, never, never!”
But now, with my newly calmed adrenals, I just sighed for a minute, shrugged and said to the Frankenchili, “Well, I guess you’re a curry now, motherfucker.”
It was delicious, by the way.
Image: The Muppet Mindset
33 thoughts on “Day 8 of the Fast Metabolism Diet: Bon Appetit”
Also, I’m losing again! Down 6 pounds now.
Ha ha, you are so funny!
You are so nice!
LOL – you are hilarious! But I get it … I feel calmer also. Like this morning I didn’t throw the scale into the mirror when it stated AGAIN that I didn’t lose. I am stuck at a 6 to 7 lb loss and I am starting week 3. Admittedly, I am not really exercising as I should (the aerobic day, weights day and yoga day).
I hear you on the exercise. I can’t do as much as I’d like, because I’m injured. I sort of hobble around the neighborhood for half an hour in phase one, do my physical therapy bands in phase two, and do deep breathing in phase three.
I too am stuck on 6lbs and on week three! I lost them the first three days of week one. However I’ve exercised so I’m not sure its that. I do know that my body has alot to heal from though. I’m a diabetic w/ a slow thyroid. I’m thrilled to be loosing any weight and have great blood sugars. For me I figure I’ll repeat the 28 days forever but be extremely healthy…and not bald. The diet the Dr. Remomended had baldness as a side effect…uh no.
What the hell kind of crazy diet is that? That reminds me of when they prescribe antidepressants, only to tell you that they might cause weight gain and low sex drive. And then the patient is left wondering if they understood the problem.
Haha…I love Muppet Show!
new week is starting…I weighted myself this morning…-2 only 😦
Great results Jennie. How much would you like to lose?
Two pounds is great! Don’t get discouraged. You’re doing an awesome job.
I’d like to lose 20 pounds. That would bring me back down to about a size 8, which is comfy for me. I’ve weighed as much as 35 pounds less than I do right this second, but I looked a little pinched and had to eat about 1200 calories a day to maintain it. Nooooo thank you.
You pretty much summed up how both I and my 2 year-old deal with difficulties. I’m glad I have this on hold at the public library so I can lose weight and act like an adult!
Ha! I have never seen you do that. If you do have tantrums, I’m sure they’re very elegant and discrete ones.
You have me super curious about this Fast Metabolism diet, but I tried to buy the phone app here (Australia) and it hasn’t been released to us 😦 Boo. I guess I’ll have to order the book from Amazon and hope it doesn’t take six weeks to get here. Bah! xo.
Do you have a Kindle, or a Kindle app? You can get it that way. I bought it for mine, and the only downsides that I can see are a) it’s a little hard to see some of the charts, and b) I have to be careful not to splash my Kindle with coconut milk when I’m making the chicken curry.
Ha! 🙂 No, I don’t have any sort of electronic reader device. I’m also highly cynical about almost every “diet” that exists… whether you call it a diet or not. Oh well. I’ll see how I go getting the actual book. I just wanted the app so I could tell it I was vegan and let it spit out exactly what I needed to eat each day. At least, that’s the way I’d hoped it would work… It all sounds interesting though. Very interesting!
I bought the diet via my Nook and I couldn’t figure out any of the charts so I wrote an email and they were nice enough to send me a PDF version of all the meal charts and recipies. I ended up printing up certain passages to keep with me while I cook or just if I want to know what I’m supposed to eat without getting it on my nook. I’ll be happy to send you my file via email, just send your address.
BTW…..I made it through week 1 with a 7 pound loss. I am over the moon thrilled and this is the most positive that I’ve felt about a diet plan EVER.
That is AMAZING! Congratulations!
Could you send me the file to? My email is firstname.lastname@example.org
I requested these as I can’t read them either on my kindle.
To Tina – can you send me the PDF of the menus/recipes, etc. – my email is email@example.com
Tina, I saw your comment on Jennie’s blog and saw that you have printable meal planners for The Fast Metabolism Diet and was hoping you might email a copy of theist to me. I was trying to figure how to get copies of this. Much appreciated!
Dawna, I’ll be happy to send it to you just post your email address and I’ll send it along.
Thanks bunches Tina, my email is firstname.lastname@example.org!
BTW….I think the phrase “Well, I guess you’re a curry now motherfucker!” Could be a very popular catch phrase.
I’m feeling it!
Tina…would you mind sending me the PDF? I’m having issues seeing them well on my little tablet and would love to print them out. email@example.com Thank you!!!
May I Join in also? I am confused about eating a piece of fruit 30 minutes before exercise the 10 gm protein after exercise. I thought we did not have fruit on Phase 2. Does this count as an additional snack?
I also only lost 3 lbs week one. Did not know how to weigh shrimp stir fry to get enough protein(shrimp).
Please do! The more, the merrier!
I don’t have a good answer about the snack, though. I feel like I missed this part. (Always shameful for a former English major.)
I am on day 2 of week 2 and gained 1 1/2 lbs for a toal loss of 1-1/2 lbs. I am trying to lose 40 lbs. Does anyone have trouble with the increase in portions(1/2)? I am trying to follow the plan as instructed but with bad/verrry slow results. How big of a factor is stress? I feel great energy wise.
I feel like stress is probably a significant factor. I was stressed yesterday and didn’t lose much. But maybe you could try it with just single portions and see if that helps?
I thought about that, especially since it’s sooo much food. I am going to continue with the 1/2 portions for the remainder of the week and see what happens.. I am trying to go by the book . Thanks for the suggestion.
Glad for your success.
You are hysterical. Thanks for the laughs:)