Coworker Dennis and I Are Environmentalists

Me: The only solution is to eat cheese, I’ve decided
Me: It’s the only option
Coworker Dennis: Big buckets of it
Coworker Dennis: Giant plastic bags in bed of it
Me: No! Not in bed
Me: The bugs can’t have any
Coworker Dennis: All bug situations make me just want to bomb the place like it’s Nagasaki
Coworker Dennis: Like, “There’s a 20% chance you’ll get cancer from this but the bugs will definitely be gone…” DO IT.
Coworker Dennis: I’ve had bugs AND mice
Me: UGH
Me:): I told my Mom I want DDT back
Me: Fuck the bald eagles
Me: Drive that poison over here in an SUV
Me: Upholstered in baby seal
Me: I have bugs! It’s an emergency!
Coworker Dennis: Totally. Unscrew the snow owl’s head and release the poison.