So, I’m sitting on the sofa in the Boston office (Ma Smash’s house), working on my laptop, when all of a sudden a horrid noise starts up by the window just behind our heads. It seriously sounded like a hammer, or maybe the hook man trying to get in.
TAP TAP TAP.
Me: What is that?
TAP TAP TAP.
Me: What the fuck is that?
Ma Smash: (Laughing uproariously.) You OK? You all right?
Me: Seriously. Is that Dad? Is he tapping on the window?
Ma Smash: No, that’s my woodpecker.
Me: Your woodpecker?
Ma Smash: Live in the city much?
Me: Jesus, that’s terrifying. I thought we were going to be killed.
Ma Smash: Let me get this straight: You’re not afraid of the toothless mumbling homeless person on your corner, but you’re afraid of a woodpecker?
Me: It made a noise! A loud noise! On your house!
Ma Smash: Congratulations. You live in the right place.
Jennie Smash 
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