1) I don’t have a cracked tooth.
2) I don’t have a giant tumor behind my eye.
3) I do have a sinus infection.
Of the three, the last option is probably best, but hoo boy, am I in pain. I’m blaming, at least partially, the stress of the last few days before the election. I seriously, seriously might not make it. I have no idea how Obama and McCain are anything but completely shattered with nerves. Perhaps this is why nervous little characters like me don’t run for office.
But seriously, seriously, and I’ve never been more serious: I need good news, people. The past few months have been a whirlwind of broken hearts and minor physical ailments, and while none of that equals brain tumors or Darfur, I could still use a boost.
I have this theory, actually, that my sinuses will clear up immediately if Obama wins. If this happens, I will naturally lobby to have it declared a miracle by some church or other – the Church of Bob, if necessary.