Me: OK, listen: If that’s the way you feel about it, I’m only going to ask you for one thing.
Him: Anything.
Me: A year from now, when you realize you’ve made the BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE, promise me you’ll call me. I’ll put you on speaker. From my new boyfriend’s bed.
This actually passes as maturity for me.
Jennie Smash 
Hahaha that is good
…and then you punched him in the junk.
giggles. and then he begged you to take him back, right? how could he not????
But he obviously said, “of course!” Right?
Girl, it’s not going to take him a year. He probably realized it right then and there.
The new man in your bed will also have the body of Michael Phelps, be a staff writer on the Colbert Report, AND have a healthy relationship with alcohol. He exists!
In all ways, you are the winner. Most of all, however, you are the winner of the best retort that came out of your mouth at the time it was happening as opposed to five minutes later.
Much respect.
So, Deadspin just revived Waxing Off, which you used to shine in. You going to get back on that bronco?
You are an inspiration! I’d like Permission to use that myself. 😉
Hello, much neglected pals of mine, and thank you for the good wishes! I have neglected you shamefully. I have an excuse. I’ve been working a ton/growing freckles on the beach in equal measure.