Jennie Smash

By

Jen Hubley Luckwaldt

·

Laters for Your "Fresh Air"

I’ve been on a few dates lately with an outdoorsy sort of fellow. What he sees in me is anyone’s guess. Sample conversation: Him: I really like camping.Me: Like, outside? Him: Yes. Me: Where the animals are? Him: Well … yes. But they don’t really bother you, you know. It’s a cliche, but they really…

I’ve been on a few dates lately with an outdoorsy sort of fellow. What he sees in me is anyone’s guess.

Sample conversation:

Him: I really like camping.

Me: Like, outside?

Him: Yes.

Me: Where the animals are?

Him: Well … yes. But they don’t really bother you, you know. It’s a cliche, but they really are more afraid of you than you are of them.

Me: I’m frightened of squirrels.

Him: …

Me: Seriously. I had lunch in Madison Square Park the other day, and a squirrel jumped in front of me on the path and did, like, this little back-flip in the air. And then he stared at me, you know? So I screamed and my friends all looked at me like I was crazy. But he could have been rabid! Anyway, he was definitely mean-spirited. He was a vicious attack squirrel!

Him: So … what about hiking?

Me: I live a pretty long way from the train!

And so on. I’m an indoor cat, is my point. My favorite things – reading, writing, drinking beer, worrying, talking about people behind their backs – are all best done in an indoor setting.

Does anyone know of any outdoor-themed bars?

Tags:

Responses to “Laters for Your "Fresh Air"”

  1. The Ultra Deep

    One of my favorite bars had a treehouse up in the back. But it’s been bought a few times, and now they’ve apparently cut down the tree that grew through the floor of the 2nd floor back room. Jerks.

    Reply
  2. Anonymous

    Buy [URL= http://mtsu32.mtsu.edu:11263/_disc2/00000194.htm#levitra%5Dsoma%5B/URL%5D online

    http://mtsu32.mtsu.edu:11263/_disc2/00000193.htm#cialis

    Reply
  3. anskull

    I just found out caribou coffee has caribou in it. That almost counts.

    Reply
  4. DrunkenMouse

    First we evolved, then created fire, war, plague, war, war, war and now man is at a slightly more civilized area of our existence. Why go back to crapping in a hole we dug ourselves?

    Reply
  5. That Guy

    closest there is that I know of is Rainforest Cafe. If he camps with gorillas, that’s totally the place.

    Reply
  6. Johanna

    3 squirrels have made their home on our porch in a Home Depot pale. I used to enjoy sitting on the back porch, but now if I go out they jump out of the pale and bum rush me. I suffer from a recurrent nightmare where they somehow break into my apartment and take my husband hostage for nuts.

    Reply
  7. jayman

    Animals don’t bother me as much as insects.

    At least you can scare a rabid squirrel with a few stomps and a shout. Trying the same thing with a mosquito just leads to an itchy bite and muddy pants.

    Reply
  8. Anonymous

    Camp is a great bar in Carrol Gardens that has Wood cabin decor, smores and more. It’s actually a really cool bar. And definitely the outdoor theme in effect.

    Reply
  9. Anonymous

    Camping is for refugees.

    Reply
  10. SuperSkeptic

    You know what I like about camping? Nothing.

    Reply
  11. Jen

    Actually, whenever I camp–once a year or so–we tend to read, write, drink beer, worry, talk about people behind their backs…so there’s that.

    Also- some guys into camping only camp with their friends…you could definitely avoid it if it gets serious.

    I agree with jayman: Insects scare the crap out of me.

    Reply

Leave a reply to SuperSkeptic Cancel reply