I’ve been on a few dates lately with an outdoorsy sort of fellow. What he sees in me is anyone’s guess.
Him: I really like camping.
Me: Like, outside?
Me: Where the animals are?
Him: Well … yes. But they don’t really bother you, you know. It’s a cliche, but they really are more afraid of you than you are of them.
Me: I’m frightened of squirrels.
Me: Seriously. I had lunch in Madison Square Park the other day, and a squirrel jumped in front of me on the path and did, like, this little back-flip in the air. And then he stared at me, you know? So I screamed and my friends all looked at me like I was crazy. But he could have been rabid! Anyway, he was definitely mean-spirited. He was a vicious attack squirrel!
Him: So … what about hiking?
Me: I live a pretty long way from the train!
And so on. I’m an indoor cat, is my point. My favorite things – reading, writing, drinking beer, worrying, talking about people behind their backs – are all best done in an indoor setting.
Does anyone know of any outdoor-themed bars?