Why Don’t You Just CHILLAX?

It’s springtime in New York, which means that everyone is behaving badly, running around in a drunken fashion, making rude comments, kicking over trashcans and trying to pick up strangers. This is a fine season, and I’m glad it’s back. The last time it came round, I was too busy interviewing and looking for apartments and freaking out to really enjoy it.

But now I’m ready for full-swing spring. The other night, I went out with a bunch of friends to a teeny little bar near my office and got to see maybe the best example of New York ‘tude-‘n-joy that I’ve witnessed in quite some time. Here’s what happened:

A bunch of us went out for cigarettes or phone calls or what-have-you, and someone above us opened their window and started screaming down. I must stress that the noise level was really nothing special on the street. My one friend is comedian. Maybe we were laughing. But the point is, we were in a busy neighborhood in the village and it was 8:00.

“You shut the fuck up down there, or I’ll call the fucking cops! I’m not kidding! I’ll fucking call the cops! Shut up!”

My friend Angelina, not the comedian, but funny nonetheless, stepped out into the street:

“You live above a fucking bar! Why don’t you just CHILLAX?”

“Shut the fuck up!”

“Why don’t you JUMP OFF MY DICK?”

Later we found out (from the bartender, who was trying not to laugh) that they had a baby. Which makes you wonder: What kind of person has a baby in an apartment above a bar in the village?

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5 thoughts on “Why Don’t You Just CHILLAX?

  1. That person is always yelling a me, too. Unfortunately, I cannot just shut the fuck up, as that is the original oxymoron.

  2. That person is always yelling a me, too. Unfortunately, I cannot just shut the fuck up, as that is the original oxymoron.

  3. People who breed in Manhattan should immediately be shipped off to Brooklyn or the suburbs. And their apartments should be given to needy single people.

  4. speaking on behalf of brooklyn..we don’t want them here either!! with their double-wide strollers and kids decked out in true religion for toddlers.

    Pshaaa!

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