Mrs. Piddlington: Poops! I just got your email.
Me: I had to call and make sure you were alive.
Mrs. Piddlington: That’s awful.
Me: I’m never going to sleep watching SVU ever again.
Mrs. Piddlington: What happened?
Me: A shark ate you. And you were dead. But you didn’t know you were dead. And you were haunting this beach. Anyway, John had been eaten, too, so at least you weren’t lonely.
Mrs. Piddlington: Wait, did John know we were dead?
Me: (Pause.) Well, yes. We’d sort of agreed we weren’t going to tell you. We were afraid you’d be upset.
Mrs. Piddlington: OK, I’ve got Mom on the other line, so I have to go, but listen: If I get eaten by a shark and I’m dead and I don’t know I’m dead, tell me, OK?
Me: (Doubtfully.) OK…
Mrs. Piddlington: Promise.
Mrs. Piddlington: OK. I’ll call you later.