Jennie Smash

Me: I have a pain right here.

Ma Smash: Way high up there?

Me: Yeah.

Ma Smash: That’s your liver.

Me: (Panicked.) What?

Ma Smash: Your liver.

Me: Omigod. Do you think I damaged it?

Ma Smash: I think that if you’ve been having lots of drinks, it’s possible that your liver could be sore.

Me: Ahhhh!

Ma Smash: And word to the wise? You only have one liver. Two kidneys. One liver.

Me: Why are you being so scary?

Ma Smash: I’m scaring you straight.

Me: You know me. I won’t stop drinking. I’ll just worry about my liver while I’m drinking.

Ma Smash: Well, then…

Me: It feels like a stitch in my side.

Ma Smash: Maybe it’s a stitch in your side.

Me: It’s probably hepatitis.

Ma Smash: Oh my God! You’re probably right.

Me: Wouldn’t I be yellow, though?

Ma Smash: I bet it’s Albino Hepatitis. You know: Your liver fails, but you stay white.

Me: You’re such a jerk.