Me: I have a pain right here.
Ma Smash: Way high up there?
Ma Smash: That’s your liver.
Me: (Panicked.) What?
Ma Smash: Your liver.
Me: Omigod. Do you think I damaged it?
Ma Smash: I think that if you’ve been having lots of drinks, it’s possible that your liver could be sore.
Ma Smash: And word to the wise? You only have one liver. Two kidneys. One liver.
Me: Why are you being so scary?
Ma Smash: I’m scaring you straight.
Me: You know me. I won’t stop drinking. I’ll just worry about my liver while I’m drinking.
Ma Smash: Well, then…
Me: It feels like a stitch in my side.
Ma Smash: Maybe it’s a stitch in your side.
Me: It’s probably hepatitis.
Ma Smash: Oh my God! You’re probably right.
Me: Wouldn’t I be yellow, though?
Ma Smash: I bet it’s Albino Hepatitis. You know: Your liver fails, but you stay white.
Me: You’re such a jerk.