The following is a conversation I had with my sister this evening, over IM, about whether or not to have my mother stay with me when she comes to visit this weekend, or go to a hotel. My apartment, you see, is small, and despite the fact that I’ve told my mother this, I still fear that she doesn’t understand what “small” means when it comes to Manhattan apartments. Further, I am afraid that once she sees my apartment, she will stuff me in a sack and haul me back to Boston. Here was Meg’s advice.
Mrs. Piddlington: well if i were you, do you want to know what i’d do? or do you not? cause that’s okay too
JennieSmash: yes! tell me
JennieSmash: tell me tell me
Mrs. Piddlington: i would have her stay with me
JennieSmash: maybe i will do that
Mrs. Piddlington: but you have to do what’s right for you
JennieSmash: i hope the naked guy isn’t buying drugs outside my apartment
Mrs. Piddlington: the who?!!!
JennieSmash: there’s a naked guy who buys drugs outside my apartment
JennieSmash: i don’t know where he keeps his wallet
Mrs. Piddlington: seriously? like totally naked?
Mrs. Piddlington: does he talk to you?
JennieSmash: well, teeny shorts
JennieSmash: no, he just looks twitchy
Mrs. Piddlington: oh phew!
JennieSmash: the drug people are scared
Mrs. Piddlington: you’ve seen him buy drugs?
JennieSmash: plus i have pepper spray
Mrs. Piddlington: that seems wrong, like where are the police
JennieSmash: and i will spray his eyes and then his dick
JennieSmash: it does seem wrong
JennieSmash: but no one else is surprised
JennieSmash: just little jennie hubley from the sticks
Mrs. Piddlington: hee hee
Mrs. Piddlington: and little meggy hubley
JennieSmash: and little mommy hubley who will be like, “i think that man had to pee! he looked very uncomfortable!”