Jennie Smash

Winter is a bad time for me, sartorially speaking. I get really, really lazy. How lazy? I realized the other day that I haven’t put my contacts in in at least two weeks, and also that I seem to have completely stopped wearing foundation (that’s the glop girls put on their faces, fellas).

The funniest part of it is, I don’t think I really look all that different than I do when I get gussied up. Maybe, you know, a little less sparkly. And the glasses are pretty obvious, I guess, because I favor the Large Dorky Frame of the Moderately Hip.

But even under the best of circumstances, there are some trends that I will not participate in. Chief among these: Pointy shoes.

Pointy shoes were put on this earth by Satan to torture the faithful. I believe this, just as I believe that George W. Bush watches Monday Night Football while wearing a tutu and Uggs and drinking wine coolers. I have many beliefs, some of them suspect. But I digress.

I don’t like pointy shoes because my feet are not pointy. Do you see? And so wearing pointy shoes would hurt my little feet, and that would make me cry. No one wants that. So I’m doing everyone a favor.

I have friends who do the pointy shoes, and they tell me that the secret is to buy them larger, so that the shoes start narrowing after your toes stop, but I feel that this would make me look like Bozo the Clown, with my size 11 shoes hanging off my poor wee feet. Also, would they even fit? I’d look pretty sexy, clomping around in my stylish footwear. I just don’t think it will work.

I want round toes to come back into fashion. I might hold my breath.