Fads I am opposed to: Pointy shoes

Winter is a bad time for me, sartorially speaking. I get really, really lazy. How lazy? I realized the other day that I haven’t put my contacts in in at least two weeks, and also that I seem to have completely stopped wearing foundation (that’s the glop girls put on their faces, fellas).

The funniest part of it is, I don’t think I really look all that different than I do when I get gussied up. Maybe, you know, a little less sparkly. And the glasses are pretty obvious, I guess, because I favor the Large Dorky Frame of the Moderately Hip.

But even under the best of circumstances, there are some trends that I will not participate in. Chief among these: Pointy shoes.

Pointy shoes were put on this earth by Satan to torture the faithful. I believe this, just as I believe that George W. Bush watches Monday Night Football while wearing a tutu and Uggs and drinking wine coolers. I have many beliefs, some of them suspect. But I digress.

I don’t like pointy shoes because my feet are not pointy. Do you see? And so wearing pointy shoes would hurt my little feet, and that would make me cry. No one wants that. So I’m doing everyone a favor.

I have friends who do the pointy shoes, and they tell me that the secret is to buy them larger, so that the shoes start narrowing after your toes stop, but I feel that this would make me look like Bozo the Clown, with my size 11 shoes hanging off my poor wee feet. Also, would they even fit? I’d look pretty sexy, clomping around in my stylish footwear. I just don’t think it will work.

I want round toes to come back into fashion. I might hold my breath.

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11 thoughts on “Fads I am opposed to: Pointy shoes

  1. Round toes *are* back.

    But women who complain about pointy toes without ever trying on a single pair get my goat, monkey. Have you tried any on? I have several pairs, and they feel no different to my toesies than my squared, rounded, or “other” toed shoes. It’s the heel height that hurts my feet.

    — KaraBara, wearing loafers today

  2. Now, Karabara, I did try them on. But I looked like a crazy person, and my feet felt distinctly weird. I know lots of girls who look just fine in them. But I think I’m supposed to look like a spunky little cartoon character most of the time — ready to dash off at any second. Round toes are more conducive to dashing.

    And bear in mind that I injure myself at least once a year by tripping UP the stairs. Clearly, we’re starting from a deficit here.

  3. Ahhh, as long as you tried them on, darling, I will support your right to hate pointy little shoes.

    I hear that purloined bowling shoes make for the best fit . . .

    K.B. 🙂

  4. You’re in luck, because ballet flats AND round-toe pumps are totally in. I refuse to wear ballet flats because of the height thing, though. I need all the help I can get, pointy toes and all. By the way, you’re welcome to laugh at me in a few years when my best friend is my podiatrist.

  5. I think pointy-toed shoes make the wearer look like the Wicked Witch of the West. Or the witch from the Bugs Bunny cartoons. Maybe I don’t get it because I’m a guy, but seriously, girls who wear these: you look crazy.

  6. Damn right…my cousin may think that her nasty black, pointy shoes with huge silver buckles look good but I still think that they resemble witches hats…errghhh

  7. Heeey, that’s so cool!! Not only do I agree, but I’ve written a blog post on the subject too! That, and the eskimo boots fad. Crazy stuff. I wasn’t sure if I was the only one who found those things irritating enough to write about it. You can see my thoughts here, and some of the comments are interesting too :-] … Rock on and what-not!

  8. As a straight man who loves seeing women wearing cute shoes, I can honestly say that pointy shoes evoke only total revulsion in me. When I see a woman wearing pointy shoes, I can only think “tacky blind trend-following attention whore!” Honestly, I’d rather see transparent plastic stripper platforms on a woman than the damned damned damned pointy shoes. Auuughhh!!!!

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