Wisdom From Ma Smash

I have no idea why I thought of this today, except that I was just on vacation with Ma Smash, and we were in a car a lot. Anyway, I just remembered a time that we were in the car — Ma Smash, Mrs. Piddlington, and me — and Mom turned around and said, in a very serious voice:

“It’s important for you girls to know that you can herpes from oral sex. I just wanted you to know that.”

And then she honestly looked shocked when we started shrieking and covering our faces. Did I mention that she’s a nurse? I feel sure it must’ve come up.

“This is a very serious business,” she went on, oblivious to our pleas. “You wouldn’t believe some of the inflamed vulvas I’ve seen. What? What’s the matter with you? Jennie Hubley, you uncover your face right now and listen to me. WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING? Listen, young lady, the vulva you save could be your own.”

I swear to you that all of this happened.

A stuffed herp, hanging on the telephone.

Image: Planned Parenthood.

Published by Jen Hubley Luckwaldt

I'm a freelance writer and editor.

One thought on “Wisdom From Ma Smash

  1. Ma Smash is awesome. She continues her streak of sheer awesomity. Of course, I can say this now because I am closer to her age than yours at the time. Had you posted this story 3 years ago, however, I’d likely have been *mortified*

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