Coworker Dennis Is Having a Ball

Today, I called Coworker Dennis on the fact that although he acts like he’s terrible at sports, he’s actually very athletic, and just hates them. I suggested he challenge a friend of ours, who loves sports, to a basketball game.

Coworker Dennis: hahaha

Coworker Dennis: if only i knew the rules to basketball

Coworker Dennis: they don’t teach you those in gym class

Coworker Dennis: you’re expected to know

Coworker Dennis: i would just run around. it’s not like anyone ever passed me the ball.

Coworker Dennis: nor did i want it

Jennie Smash: i had my period for eight years

Coworker Dennis: i wish i had had mine

Jennie Smash: “your period? again, hubley?”

Jennie Smash: “yes.” feigned sniffle. “i think … i think it’s FEMALE PROBLEMS”

Coworker Dennis: yes, after my 12th grandmother died, my vagina exploded in tears of blood

Jennie Smash: ha ha ha

Jennie Smash: oh NO

Coworker Dennis: there were a lot of dead grandmas on staten island

Coworker Dennis: preventing athletic activity

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