Jennie Smash

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By

Jen Hubley Luckwaldt

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It’s Not That Nobody Likes a Fat Girl. It’s That No One Believes Her.

I have a doctor’s appointment today. Few people look forward to doctor’s appointments, but those of us with ye olde hypothyroidism practically look backward, we hate it so much. My doctor, who is very nice and will at least prescribe something other than Synthroid for thyroid problems, is gradually driving me crazy through no fault…

I have a doctor’s appointment today. Few people look forward to doctor’s appointments, but those of us with ye olde hypothyroidism practically look backward, we hate it so much.

My doctor, who is very nice and will at least prescribe something other than Synthroid for thyroid problems, is gradually driving me crazy through no fault of her own. This is because no matter what we do – change meds, change diets, add exercise, subtract exercise – I am not losing weight.

Nay, I am gaining weight. Steadily. Six months ago, I was gaining about five to seven pounds a month. Now, it’s about two. But still gaining. I’ve gone from 142 pounds in November of 2008 to 175.3 on the old scale this morning. After the gym. And before breakfast. And I’m only 5′ 2″.

Becoming a fat person has given me some interesting insights into human nature, which I will now share with you, because I love you more than any doctor ever will. Ahem:

1) People are uncomfortable with the word “fat.” If you call yourself fat, they will insist that you are not, especially if they like you. They will keep this up even after you start shopping at Lane Bryant, after you have to buy big girl underpants, and yes, even after your fat jeans split up the back when you bend over. (True story. This happened to me last week. The pants, not the “you’re not fat.” That happens EVERY GEE-DEE DAY.)

2) No one will believe you if you say you’re not overeating. My doc’s latest obsession is having me keep a food diary. “Maybe I can make suggestions for changes,” she said. “Bring it in, and then we’ll see if you’re eating right. And if I believe you.” I decided then and there that I will NEVER bring her a food diary. Not ever. Go be someone else’s Mom.

3) Not everyone who is fat in the world eats a lot. In the past year, I’ve tried 1200 calorie diets, 1500 calorie diets, and 1800 calorie diets. I’ve done juice cleanses. I’ve worked out every day, every other day, and not at all. Doesn’t matter. Still getting fatter.

To say that all of this is frustrating is the definition of understatement. I have a small ball of rage in my chest all the time now. It’s only a matter of time before it explodes, causing me to pelt passersby with ice cream and useless supplements.

So, like I say: I have a doctor’s appointment this afternoon. Pray for me.

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Responses to “It’s Not That Nobody Likes a Fat Girl. It’s That No One Believes Her.”

  1. anskull

    Good luck. As I know you probably really appreciate strangers offering advice, you might want to check this out.

    http://wholehealthsource.blogspot.com/search?q=hypothyroidism

    The author seems to think all problems, including weight gain, are related to too much seed oil (soybean oil, corn oil) in our diets, and not enough animal oils.

    Reply
  2. Keith Porter

    Jen,
    You are so freaking honest on your blog (plus funny). It is a real inspiration to tackle life head on.

    I will, as requested, pray for you. And I hope some answer is found.

    Keith

    Reply
  3. WorstDadEver

    Sister, I completely hear you. Having hypothyroidism myself, I understand the frustration of having to listen to some size-2 endocrinologist tell me that “have you tried to eat more fruit and less sweets?” What, am I seven years old? I could walk in looking like Violet Beauregarde from Willy Wonka and she’ll extol the virtues of the four food groups.

    Here’s where the irony starts: On one hand, I’m sorry you’re going through this.

    Other hand: But sadly, the only time you write is when you’re unhappy or angry — which means that although I feel empathetic, I secretly hope that future weeks bring rashes and inept Starbuck’s employees — but not in a bad way, of course.

    I think you’re one of the best bloggers out there — one of the few I actively follow. Please keep it up. Sharesies or not.

    Now, if you’ll excuse me. I seem to be wedged in my desk chair.

    WDE

    Reply
  4. Teri

    Oh Jen, I’m sorry your doctor is not believing you. She clearly sucks. Love you, Tempie

    Reply
  5. Mary

    I’m so glad I stumbled upon this blog! It’s like I’m reading my own story! I haven’t been diagnosed with hypothyroidism yet, but I have a dr. appointment at the end of this week and hopefully we’ll find out what’s wrong with me.

    Just like you, I went from 130-140 range to 175 and growing (I’m 5’2 as well). I used to be 120-something in highschool, when I drank Mountain Dew and ate Dorritos for breakfast. After switching to all diet pop or water and eating smaller portions and STILL no difference in my weight, I’ve just given up.

    My family doctor told me it’s because I’m getting older (I just turned 27!!!) and my gyno told me to walk some laps around the mall.

    Anyway, I’m glad you’re, at least, on track to finding out what’s going on with your body. Maybe in these next few weeks I’ll have the start of some answers, too.

    …And hopefully my doctor will believe me when I tell him what’s all wrong with me!

    Reply
    1. Jennie Smash

      Hey Mary!

      Def. get the ol’ thyroid checked out. That sounds suspiciously similar to what I went through.

      In the meantime, I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for you. Remember, it’s no crime to see more than once doctor is you don’t feel like Doc #1 is listening to you.

      Good luck!

      Jen

      Reply
  6. Caryn

    Sorry I’m reading this late, but it’s a brave post and only endears me to you as a writer and a friend even more. Jen, you’re fat.

    Reply
  7. Jeff Sizer

    Seriously? Yer not fat. Not by a mile. Comfortably chubby? Maybe…but by no means fat. Ask your self this….Does the sweat collect under your tits after walking to the fridge in the dead of winter? Are your clothes sizes in the double digits that starts with a 2? If the answer is no….

    Reply
  8. Beth Luwandi

    Oh my frickin Gosh! You are hilarious, Jen. And love that (well, in a sick sort of way) your parameters of fat (now) are almost where I started and (your starting weight) where I hope to end up. Don’t point the rage toward me, though, please. I once gained 50 fast pounds from a stupid medication. And couldn’t get it to budge until I switched meds.
    Hey, fat happens. And it sucks, cuz it’s uncomfortable!

    Reply
  9. sarahnsh

    I don’t know if you went through the doctor’s visit yet, but if you haven’t, good luck! I have huge issues with weight and have had them check my blood for thyroid issues, but don’t have any. Once I turned 11 years old I became like… 175-190 pounds. Been that way for years, except the last time I stepped on the scale I was 200 lbs.

    I freaked out a bit, called myself a fat piggie, piggie. My sweet, extremely skinny doctor goes, “No, you’re not a fat piggie, you carry your weight well…”

    I’ve lost weight, but mainly by limiting myself to 1,000 calories or so a day. And, I’ve hit a wall with it and gained back some weight, so I’ll be fighting with the scale whenever I’m brave enough to get back on it.

    Reply
  10. Jocelyn

    Just found your blog on WordPress’ main page. This entry had me rolling. I’m a fat girl and when I tried talking to my last doctor about weight loss, she basically read me a Cosmo article (I’m a librarian and told her I’d been dieting for 5 years, and she thought I wouldn’t have already known that I need to eat fewer calories than I work off?). I got so frusterated that I started crying, since hitting your miniature, pregnant yet thin (?!) doctor is socially inappropriate. Then she suggested I go to counselling because maybe I had emotional issues related to my weight. FFS, I have emotional issues related to being treated like an idiot. Finally, she suggested I try Weight Watchers.

    I still kind of want to kill her.

    Reply
    1. Jennie Smash

      Uh, we really might have the same doctor. Or rather, you might have my old doctor, the one I stopped seeing after she told my thyroid was fine. (It wasn’t.)

      Reply
  11. SHORESLADY

    Jen, just learn from this: at age 55 I finally lost (over 2 years) the 80 pounds I always needed to lose and wear a size 8 or 10 and you know what — it’s too late, no one cares anymore because I am officially not young and thus invisible. Do not wait until you are invisible to be the shape you want to be. Be that shape when you still care about fashion, when men will still look you over twice, when you catch a glimpse of yourself in a store window and smile — before you go invisible.

    Reply

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