“Dieters in Sweden got a nasty scare during a weighing in at a Weight Watchers clinic when the floor collapsed underneath them. The 20 participants had gathered to measure the amount of weight they had lost when employees heard a loud thud and saw part of the room give way. Fortunately, on one was injured and they finished weighing everyone in a nearby room.”
I have said it before and I’ll say it again, I do not “do” weight-loss clubs. I did [international dieting organization redacted] for awhile, and I didn’t have a good experience. The lady who ran our group was very nosy and judgmental. She did not, for example, believe that it was possible for someone (say, me) to gain 3-5 pounds every month right before ol’ Aunt Flo came to visit.
Recently, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, which, if you’re not familiar with it, is pretty much the worst. I gained 30 pounds in the course of a year, even while going to the gym and eating 1200 calories a day. It was like Thinner, in reverse.
Now I’m all medicated and shit, and I’m not gaining anymore, but I still have to lose all this weight, preferably before I, ha ha, GET MARRIED. So weight loss has been on my mind, as you can imagine.
Ma Smash, however, is a big fan of the meeting-based weight-loss plan and in a recent phone conversation, she made her case.
Ma Smash: Why don’t you try [same organization, redacted.]
Me: Because I fucking hate them, that’s why.
Ma Smash: It works, though.
Me: It might work, but they’re all bad people who smell. They looked at my weight and judged me.
Ma Smash: Oh my God, they did NOT.
Me: They did, too. They judged me, and they didn’t believe me, and I hate them, and so does God.
Ma Smash: Well, I think maybe you just had one bad experience with that particular group.
Me: I’m never going to another group.
Ma Smash: OK.
Me: If I went back, I would punch them.
Ma Smash: Oh, no! Surely not. You wouldn’t.
Me: I would. I would punch them, so hard, and right in the fucking neck.
Ma Smash: The fucking neck! No! You would never.
Me: Right in the fucking neck, Mum. AND THEN WE’D SEE WHO HAS THE THYROID PROBLEM.
What I like about myself most as I get older is how much calmer and more centered I am.
Photo via eBaum’s World.