Jennie Smash

By

Jen Hubley Luckwaldt

·

Why I Don’t Do Meetings

Via Jezebel: “Dieters in Sweden got a nasty scare during a weighing in at a Weight Watchers clinic when the floor collapsed underneath them. The 20 participants had gathered to measure the amount of weight they had lost when employees heard a loud thud and saw part of the room give way. Fortunately, on one…

Via Jezebel:

“Dieters in Sweden got a nasty scare during a weighing in at a Weight Watchers clinic when the floor collapsed underneath them. The 20 participants had gathered to measure the amount of weight they had lost when employees heard a loud thud and saw part of the room give way. Fortunately, on one was injured and they finished weighing everyone in a nearby room.”

I have said it before and I’ll say it again, I do not “do” weight-loss clubs. I did [international dieting organization redacted] for awhile, and I didn’t have a good experience. The lady who ran our group was very nosy and judgmental. She did not, for example, believe that it was possible for someone (say, me) to gain 3-5 pounds every month right before ol’ Aunt Flo came to visit.

Pictured: Me with my banjo.

Recently, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, which, if you’re not familiar with it, is pretty much the worst. I gained 30 pounds in the course of a year, even while going to the gym and eating 1200 calories a day. It was like Thinner, in reverse.

Now I’m all medicated and shit, and I’m not gaining anymore, but I still have to lose all this weight, preferably before I, ha ha, GET MARRIED. So weight loss has been on my mind, as you can imagine.

Ma Smash, however, is a big fan of the meeting-based weight-loss plan and in a recent phone conversation, she made her case.

Ma Smash: Why don’t you try [same organization, redacted.]

Me: Because I fucking hate them, that’s why.

Ma Smash: It works, though.

Me: It might work, but they’re all bad people who smell. They looked at my weight and judged me.

Ma Smash: Oh my God, they did NOT.

Me: They did, too. They judged me, and they didn’t believe me, and I hate them, and so does God.

Ma Smash: Well, I think maybe you just had one bad experience with that particular group.

Me: I’m never going to another group.

Ma Smash: OK.

Me: If I went back, I would punch them.

Ma Smash: Oh, no! Surely not. You wouldn’t.

Me: I would. I would punch them, so hard, and right in the fucking neck.

Ma Smash: The fucking neck! No! You would never.

Me: Right in the fucking neck, Mum. AND THEN WE’D SEE WHO HAS THE THYROID PROBLEM.

What I like about myself most as I get older is how much calmer and more centered I am.

Photo via eBaum’s World.

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Responses to “Why I Don’t Do Meetings”

  1. Eric

    The real reason you hate groups: they punched you in the neck and gave your banjo-playing self a goiter that could do double duty as one of those 16th century neck ruffs.

    Reply
  2. Liz

    I really do wholeheartedly agree with your post. Growing up with undiagnosed Hypothyroidism (until I was 16 yrs old), my mother made me go to all those horrible (unnamed) weight loss club meetings. The stupid people would make you stand up in front of everyone and tell them why you gained weight. What the heck was I supposed to say?! I never ate more than they said! Thyroid problems greatly disrupt the metabolic system, and cause weight gain, insulin resistance, etc. It’s very tough to deal with…

    Reply
  3. Kbee

    I wasn’t diagnosed until 32. Same story. Same disdain for [redacted]. Once I get the rest figured out I’ll be sure to share, however, I do know this much: they’re serious about not eating or drinking for 45min after taking synthroid. Especially OJ. And yes, unfortunately, mimosas count. Sorry.

    Reply
  4. Jennie Smash

    So many of my interweb friends have thyroid problems. I think I’ll start a rumor that blogging is a direct cause.

    Reply

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