Ironic mustaches are no longer allowed. I didn’t want to throw my weight around like this, but I saw something this morning that forced my hand.
Whilst leaving the F train, I witnessed a gentleman who was exactly one parrot short of being a pirate. “Did he have an eye patch?” you scoff.
Yes. Yes, he did.
So clearly, I have no other choice. No more ironic mustaches. I’m sorry. That’s just the way it has to be.
In future, you may grow that mustache if you are dead fucking serious. And own a boat. Thank you.