What I’ve Learned From Online Dating

As you know, I’m doing the Match.com currently. This is not a terribly new or exciting thing, and is pretty much my go-to when I’m not already dating someone and am too busy to go out every night of the week. I’m having a lot more fun this time around, though, and I think it’s because I’ve finally figured out how to think of this online dating thing. And for this, of course, I must thank teh gayz. Watching my dudes endlessly troll Manhunt has shown me that it’s a numbers game, and you have to keep on going until you find what you’re looking for. (Whatever that might be. Put it this way: My goals are lot less interesting and pornographic.)

In addition, I have learned:

1) Everyone is crazy, especially after dating in New York for a few years. I’ve had guys start out by asking me point-blank if I could see myself in a relationship with them. I’ve also had a dude tell me that he would have been a priest, if he didn’t enjoy “keeessing and tooouching” so much. I held my tongue. I grew up in Boston. I know which jokes you’re not allowed to make.

2) The less serious you are about the whole thing, the more fun you have. And when I say “serious,” I mean “desperate.” At the moment, my desperation levels are quite low (as opposed to, say, three months ago when they were at Defcon 1, but that’s another story.) Therefore, I’m having more fun.

3) If someone says he only has eight fingers, it’s not a joke. He only has eight fingers. You’re also not allowed to stare at them while he lifts his pint.

4) Not everyone thinks I’m funny. I know! I couldn’t believe it either.

5) Half of the people who say they don’t smoke, smoke. All of the people who say they smoke occasionally smoke all the time. The people who are “trying to quit” have cut back to two packs a day.

I’m going to keep track of this stuff, I think. I sense that I could do the world some good here.

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One thought on “What I’ve Learned From Online Dating

  1. “The Jennie Smash Guide to Match.com,” available from Amazon.com and fine book retailers everywhere pending the clearing of a lawsuit for libel by those at Match.com who don’t want you to know the truth! Pre-order your copy today!

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