Weather Report

Let me tell you how hot it is here. It’s so hot, that I’m doing the dishes right after I eat, so that the Giant Roach of Sumatra doesn’t wend his evil way from my old apartment on the Lower East Side and take up residence in my Park Slope kitchen.

If you’re not in New York right now, all I can say is, eff you in the ay, pal. It is goddamn hot here. I’m about to go take my third shower of the day and I suspect I’ll need another when I wake up. I have the AC going full blast and I had to buy a fan on my way home from the DMV.

Savor that, for a moment: On my way home from the DMV. Today, on the hottest day of the year, I had to walk a mile to the DMV, wait on line in a room full of screaming children and very scary men with actual grills in their mouths, without air conditioning, to get a very un-official looking piece of paper that the State of New York claims is a temporary license, but which I think is actually one of those fucking “stickers” they used to give you in Cracker Jack boxes – you know, the kind where the stickum is not included.

Other things I did today, which were not suited to the weather:

1) Carried a 20-pound bag of laundry down the street and up my stairs.
2) Hauled four bags of groceries from the store to my house.
3) Did I mention the DMV? Yes? Well, there wasn’t air conditioning. Thought you should know.

My pal Bonnie, who is southern and very lovely, said it was “hot as Hades” today, and that about sums it up. Hades = New York w/o AC.

Although, as Ma Smash is fond of pointing out, we’re not great about AC here. AC is a luxury “they” know you’ll do without, so long as you’re allowed to stay. Other luxuries of this kind include reasonable rent, produce that doesn’t look like it’s been hurled at bowling pins, drinks that cost less than a meal in most parts of the country, and 40-year-old men who don’t dress like members of Fall Out Boy.

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One thought on “Weather Report

  1. Hey! Those skinny jeans looked good on me in he store–the sales girl said so. And I’ve had these sk8r sneakers since the 90s. Holy crap, I just typed sk8r. WTF.

    –Taupey

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