Some Things Never Change

Me: My friend Claire brought her baby into the office the other day.

Ma Smash: Oh, Leo! How is he? He must be big.

Me: He is big. He is no longer a large baby. He is now a small man.

Ma Smash: They do that.

Me: And he’s a flirt! He loves girls. It’s hilarious. I forgot that babies are people. I remember when I was waitressing, little boys would always flirt with us. Probably because we were smiling ladies who were bringing them food. Who doesn’t like that?

Ma Smash: No one! Everyone likes that.

Me: It was always boys, though. I never saw, like, girl babies flirting with the guy waiters. So I think it’s just boys who do that.

Ma Smash: [Crickets.]

Me: Mum? Did I lose you?

Ma Smash:
Oh, no! I’m here.

Me: So, what do you think? Is it just boys?

Ma Smash: You were the worst flirt I’ve ever seen.

Me: Me? No! Come on.

Ma Smash: You were terrible. A little hussy. You’d bat your eyelashes and everything.

Me:
Ha ha ha. That’s hilarious.

Ma Smash: I feared you’d be abducted.

Me: And the guy would stand up in court and say, Look at the onesie! It was the way she was dressed!

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