Lauren: You’re insane about that hand sanitizer.
Me: I know.
Lauren: Do you use that every time you touch money?
Me: Yup. Or ride the subway. Or touch a doorknob.
Lauren: That I get. But … money? Really?
Me: Lauren, money is covered with poop and cocaine.
Sue: That’s true, you know. I read that somewhere.
Jennie Smash 
Filthy lucre Jenny, just filthy. A 2001 study at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base found that 86 percent of the bills tested contained germs, and seven percent carried truly harmful bacteria, like Staphylococcus aureus and Klebsiella pneumoniae. Another study found that 100 per cent of the banknotes tested carried trace amounts of cocaine.
100. Percent. Like, all of it.