Jennie Smash

Hell is a place where sinners burn in an eternal fire, and not just a religious symbol designed to galvanise the faithful, the Pope has said.

The pontiff further declared: “Jen Hubley is going there immediately, both for making fun of me and for preferring the African dude.”

Remember him? I can’t find his name anywhere, but he was in the running for Popehood and he was all pro-condom and stuff. He pretty much never had a chance. This Pope looks like he might be one of those creepy people who never ever blink. There’s something reptilian about him, and because I am the queen of denial, I can never remember his name. It’s Benedict the Something-Something, but I’ll be darned if I can get the numeral straight.

Anyway, in my mind JP the Deuce is still Pope. He’s riding around in his little Popemobile, with just his feet sticking out from underneath his gigantic hat.