The Pope Is Such a Cheerful Guy

Hell is a place where sinners burn in an eternal fire, and not just a religious symbol designed to galvanise the faithful, the Pope has said.

The pontiff further declared: “Jen Hubley is going there immediately, both for making fun of me and for preferring the African dude.”

Remember him? I can’t find his name anywhere, but he was in the running for Popehood and he was all pro-condom and stuff. He pretty much never had a chance. This Pope looks like he might be one of those creepy people who never ever blink. There’s something reptilian about him, and because I am the queen of denial, I can never remember his name. It’s Benedict the Something-Something, but I’ll be darned if I can get the numeral straight.

Anyway, in my mind JP the Deuce is still Pope. He’s riding around in his little Popemobile, with just his feet sticking out from underneath his gigantic hat.

Published by Jen Hubley Luckwaldt

I'm a freelance writer and editor.

10 thoughts on “The Pope Is Such a Cheerful Guy

  1. If an ex-nazi who spent much of his career at the Vatican protecting child-molesters and silencing their victims gets to go to heaven, maybe hell ain’t such a bad place.

    And seriously, if you had the chance to change your name from Ratzinger, would you choose the equally evil sounding Benedict? Hmmm… it brings to mind an American traitor and a coronary inducing breakfast item; death, deceit, with a creamy hollandaise sauce, yummy!

  2. I thought *I* was the only one who called him “JP the Deuce.”

    I want to go to hell ‘coz Pat Benetar said hell is for children. And she rocks.


  3. Surely you’ve seen the morphing picture of Bendydick turning into Emperor Palpatine?

    J2P2 apparently caused a nun to be miraculously cured of her parkinsons the other day…

    and also, fer god’s sake, people, get the Nazi bit straight. The man’s father was a strident anti-Nazi, and any and all boys were legally required to be members of the Hitler Youth.

    I’m not saying I like the guy, cuz i’m pretty sure he’s a big ol’ catholic douche, but there’s plenty of shit to rag on him about. No need to make shit up.

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