I just cleaned my apartment for the gayest* reason ever. I was watching Mommie Dearest on Oxygen, and when Joan Crawford is torturing her daughter Christina by throwing Ajax at her and insisting that she scrub the already clean floor, I actually thought: “Jeez, I wish she’d send Christina over to clean my floor.”
SCRUB, Christina! SCRUB!
* No, I’m not using “gay” as a pejorative. Cleaning because of Joan Crawford is gay, all right? It’s gay. And therefore, great.
Jennie Smash 
Dad to fat kid on sofa: “Look at that Jackson boyu, all-state football player–you could beat him when you were 12.”
Kid: Bruce jackson is gay!
Dad: Well, lookin that Schwartz kid–top honors in science, goin’ to MIT–you used to tutor him in math!”
Kid: Freddie Schwartz is GAY!
Dad: At least you could be like McNulty’s kid–band leader, plays jazz too–you took lessons for years!
Kid: Dad, do I need to tell you…
Dad: Now hold on son, maybe we’re not on the same page–what is “gay” anyhow?
Kid: Anyone who does anything I can’t do is GAY!
–Alfred E. Taupey, who has total photgraphic recall of a 1977 “Mad” magazine, yet can’t remember phone numbers.
that’s like writing a novel while watching The Shining. (WHAT?)