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Here’s how crazy. Every time I have a good date, I become convinced that one of us will meet with a terrible fate directly after we kiss goodbye. Because of this, I nearly gave myself a heart attack while waiting for the F last night — first, because there was no one on the platform,…
Here’s how crazy.
Every time I have a good date, I become convinced that one of us will meet with a terrible fate directly after we kiss goodbye. Because of this, I nearly gave myself a heart attack while waiting for the F last night — first, because there was no one on the platform, and my heels were making creepy clacking sounds, and then because a random teenager entered the platform, which meant that he was obviously a serial killer, come to get me at last.
I told you: Cuckoo!
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That’s pretty crazy… and that kid was a serial killer.
But how was the date?!
Yeah, you can’t distract us from the opening clause with your Brian De Palma sound effects. Details!
–Taupey, the Vicarious Kangaroo
If I’ve learned anything from the movies, it’s that if the creepy teenager was really dangerous, he would have been walking in slow motion down the stairs with ominous music playing. If I’ve learned anything from The Matrix, it’s that you can fly when you’re fighting in the subway, so you’d be all set.
Also, he would have sported either a giant hockey stick or a set of false eyelashes on one eye… The kid in the subway, not the date. Although, that could have been interesting too…
Remember, serial killers are just as frightened of you as you are of them. Walk boldly towards them while speaking in a confident voice (any words will do) and they should turn tail.
And remember, no matter how cute they are, never try to pet a serial killer that doesn’t know you without some sort of supervision.
Oh, honey, everyone thinks that.
Jennie Smash 
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