Jennie Smash: Not a Dodgeball Champion

Do you know about this thing Dodgeball? No, not the humilating game, played by my middle school classmates and at yours truly. Dodgeball, the social networking phenomenon. What you do is, you go to the website and sign yourself up. And then you get a bunch of friends to sign up as well. (Or, more likely, if you’re me, your friends ask you to sign up, and then wait patiently while you absorb the information. “Dodgeball? Will people throw things at me? No? Is it like Friendster? No? I’m just not sure about this. But you say I should sign up? Is it free?” And so on.)

Anyway, it is free, and here’s how it works. Via the site, and some means I’ve never quite figured out, you text and email your network of friends with your current location and activities, and then they can meet you wherever you are, if they wish. This saves you the trouble of actually texting your friends by hand, the old-fashioned way, which is wonderful if your hands have been replaced by hooks, or if you’re very drunk, or if you’re hoping that your ex-boyfriend, whom you “accidentally” forgot to remove from your network, will come stalk you at your favorite bar, grill, or speakeasy.

I’m not smart enough to figure this out, but it’s probably just as well. I only like about five people at any given time, and am more than able to text those people by hand (or hook), in any state of drunkenness. You can ask them. They’ll tell you.

Also, to be honest, if I were to lob them a dodgeball, it would look like this: :: jennie s. checked in…

Hey there, your friend jennie s. just checked in at her small but well-appointed home in brooklyn. She is lying around in her underpants and eating cheese.

In underpants
Her house

Why not swing by and say hello?

Published by Jen Hubley Luckwaldt

I'm a freelance writer and editor.

5 thoughts on “Jennie Smash: Not a Dodgeball Champion

  1. only super fucking nerds are on dodgeball and actually use it. (*cough* yours truly *cough*).

    I only do it to pretend I am important and that people actually care where I am, when I know that deep down, they don’t.

    Also, I delete exes. I’m good at erasing memories.

  2. Sounds like something for people that think they are more important then they are. I’ve thought about this and the truth is there are not more then 2 or 3 people that I want to know where I am or what I am doing at any one time. If I want to “hang out” with someone or let them know where I will use the old way, I will phone them.

  3. My dodgeball would just perpetually be:
    At the Liar.

    So, um if you’re ever looking for me, just wait there, i’ll swing by eventually.

  4. Would underpants be required dress for attendance at this cheese eating extravaganza? Or would mercy prevail and others be allowed to conceal their chicken legs and ashy knees?

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