Last night, I felt like such crap I actually thought about going to the hospital. Ho ho, you say. You’re such a hypochondriac! But for reals, folks, you never remember how bad the flu feels until you have it. Remember on The Cosby Show, when Cliff and Clair had the flu and stayed in bed for like three episodes? OK, fine, it was because Phylicia Rashad was pregnant and they needed to hide her belly under the blankets. Whatever. What I’m saying is that I felt like crap.
In fact, at one point, I decided I had fever ‘n ague, just like the Ingalls family in the Little House on the Prairie books. (You can tell my brain is fevered: All these pop cultural references from my childhood coming to the surface.) Then, of course, I looked it up on the Internets and discovered that fever ‘n ague is actually malaria. I might be crazy, but I’m not that crazy. I know I don’t have malaria. Mostly because I never go places where mosquitoes might be.
Anyway, the point is: Don’t get this cold or flu or ague or whatever it is. You don’t want it. Trust me.