Bad Blogger!

Oh boy. Time flies, huh? I have excuses: I was on a business trip this past weekend, and am now totally exhausted. I mean, exhausted. As if I used to be full of many resources, and now those are gone. (It was a good trip, though.)

To make up for my recent neglect, I will tell you a charming anecdote about my new neighbors in Park Slope. Park Slope, if you don’t know, is a bucolic little corner of Brooklyn full of very rich hippies and yuppies of an artistic bent. We also have a few movie stars and some writers, but most of the people I know are like me: 30ish professionals who are tired of living above nightclubs and would like to see a tree now and again. A tree does grow in Park Slope. Unfortunately, beneath it is a $2000 baby carriage, operated by a woman with a trust fund who is wearing a handmade hat.

This woman, who lives across the street from me, takes her kids to school every morning in her car. Why she needs her car, I don’t know. There are 4300 really good schools within walking distance and oh, yeah, we live in New York, so there are, like, trains and stuff. But she takes her car. She bundles the kids in, drives off and drives back 15 minutes later. (Which means it’s nearby, her school. I hope this fossil fuel-wasting harpy gives to many, many ecologically friendly charities. Because irony pleases me.)

Anyway, another thing you should know about my neighborhood is that no one has a driveway and there’s no assigned parking. So if you leave your spot and come right back in 15 minutes, and it’s full up with someone else’s SUV, well, bummer, dude.

FFW Harpy didn’t see it that way. Yesterday morning, instead of waking up to garbage trucks and hollering in Mandarin, as I did in the LES, I woke up to this:

“I WAS GONE 15 MINUTES. 15 MINUTES. I HAD TO DROP OFF MY KIDS. EVERYONE KNOWS I DROP OFF MY KIDS IN THE MORNING AND THAT IT ONLY TAKES 15 MINUTES.”

I didn’t hear what the poor person in her space had to say, but I sure heard her response.

“EVERYONE KNOWS THAT THAT’S MY SPACE AND THAT I ONLY LEAVE IT FOR 15 MINUTES WHEN I DROP OFF MY KIDS. I HOPE YOU’RE REALLY HAPPY THAT YOU STOLE MY SPACE WHEN I WAS ONLY GONE FOR 15 MINUTES.”

Since the hollering stopping, I can only guess that the guy gave up the space. Either that, or she beat him unconscious with her earthern-ware bead necklace and took it anyway.

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11 thoughts on “Bad Blogger!

  1. all I can say is:
    1. thank god I don’t have a car.
    2. thank god for her it wasn’t me “taking” “her” spot. just imagining my rage makes me want to kill someone.

  2. LOL Jennie – I live in development hell here in the Poconos and since I’m in a dvelopment, we have to drive the kids to the bus stop, which is like 3 miles from my house (which is on a mountain).

    Anyway….we have this one mother down at the bus stop who is a total ass and insists this one spot is “her spot.” The parking area is basically this one big graveled spot where we can park.

    When someone parks in “her spot,” she throws the child equivalant of a temper tantrum and accosts whoever dared to park there. She will even park her car to block the villain from getting out after the bus comes.

    People park there now on purpose just to get a rise out of her. I think some of them come down early just to take her spot.

    The funny thing is, this woman lives a block away and could easily walk to the bus stop.

    Pretty funny stuff — and tragically SAD!

    Some people need to get a life LOL!

    Rae (TV Dramas)

  3. Ah, the antics of those with an overdeveloped sense of entitlement. Had I the funds I’d buy a car just to park it there.

  4. Forget trying to buy a car to displease the FFW Harpy. You can have even more fun with a 5 dollar bucket of yellow paint and sponge-brush thing, a 6 pack of courage, and a 3am mission impossible.

    You said a lot of artist’s live around your neighborhood, drop some hints.

  5. Or pull a move from the sappy Meg Ryan vehicle “When A Man Loves A Woman” and fire eggs at it in a drunken midnight range.

    Or, do as someone did to my friend’s car when he lived in Park Slope, slash the tires.

  6. Priceless. Absolutely priceless! I live in Oakland equivalent of said neighborhood. But, because this is California and people here have their heads in the clouds (and by clouds I mean their asses) they wouldn’t even know which spots were “theirs”. In fact, I think there is a high percentage of abandoned vehicles in California just cause folks forgot where they put them. Atleast she had to audacity to vocalize her frustration and not just take it out on her organic produce (a la Alicia Silverstone in “Crush”)

    Thanks for the cheer!

  7. I don’t mean damage the vehicle with the yellow paint … I mean paint the curb so that “her” side of the street suddenly looks like it’s no parking.

  8. I think the paint idea is great. Perhaps a realistic rendition of a handicapped zone parking space?

    Can’t imagine that anyone in NYC believes that a street parking space that they voluntarily leave somehow is supposed to remain open until they come back. What’s she smoking?

  9. Here in Pennsylvania, they paint the curb yellow to signify no parking. I had assumed that it was the same everywhere, but my limited experience coupled with vague assumptions has shockingly lead me astray.

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