I (Heart) Brooklyn

I am waiting to hear about an apartment. It is a beautiful apartment, in which my bed would live in a separate room from my couch, which would live in a separate room from my stove. While sitting or sleeping, it would be purely impossible for me to view anything in my kitchen. This is like paradise to me.

Also, the street is so nice, I might vomit. When I saw it, all brownstones with little trees on the front stoop and wrought-iron railings running up the steps and bay windows and little doodads like fleur-de-lis or vines over the doorways, I thought, well, hell, this will be fun til the bouncer shows up. And indeed, people did look at me strangely while I was sitting on the stoop, waiting for the broker.

After I submitted all my paperwork, Smyres met up with me and I showed her the place from the street.

“You a-hole!” She said, and socked me in the arm. And then she chased me up the block a bit, menacing me with her umbrella.

On our way to dinner, we passed a church that wasn’t squished between two buildings and Smyres said, “If you get the place, you’ll have to go in there and thank the LORD for saving you from hobo poop.”

And when I got home, the hobo poop-masters, a.k.a. the management company, had left my apartment door wide open, after having shown someone my apartment, without letting me know they were going to be in there at all. Brooklyn can’t come soon enough.

Advertisements

12 thoughts on “I (Heart) Brooklyn

  1. We all heart brooklyn once we realize that manhattan means paying three times as much for… um, wait, it’ll come to me.

    I guess maybe 15 minutes less on the subway?

    Welcome to the best part of the greatest city on earth…

  2. Wow, not even a year and Manhattan has already spit out Smash like a watermellon seed. Now that you are relegated to the ranks of the Bridge and Tunnel crowd, I guess it will be harder to make derogatory New Jersey comments stick.

  3. WHAT THE FUCK?! Are you serious?! Dood, that is bullshit! You should not pay them the last month’s rent just for endangering your person.

    Angelina: Stop hatin’ Dead Sty.

    And B&T commmenter. Brooklyn has never been part of that ilk except in the mind of delusional Sex in the City wannabes, who aren't from NYC anyway and share more in common with the Jersey, Staten Island, Long Islanders that trek into our city to be the butt of real New Yorkers barbed wit, judged against our standards of style and tasteful behavior.

    When were open shirts and spikey, gelled white-boy fades in style? Never.

    SMASH is more NYC than people who have lived here for years!

  4. Good lord, anonymous, try not to be so nakedly jealous. And ignorant, come to think of it. No one who actually lives in New York thinks Brooklyn is B&T.

  5. From Wikipedia:

    The earliest known instance of this phrase in print is below.

    December 13, 1977 edition of the New York Times, pg. 83:

    “On the weekends, we get all the bridge and tunnel people who try to get in,” he said.

    Elizabeth Fondaras, a pillar of the city’s conservative social scene, who has just told Steve Rubell she had never tried to get into Studio 54 for fear of being rejected, asked who the bridge and tunnel people were.

    “Those people from Queens and Staten Island and those places,” he said.

  6. I love Wikipedia but it is sometimes wrong. As a matter of fact, just last week we had to correct some errors on the Guilford Railroad page.

    Train geekery aside, perhaps you should edit the Wiki and exempt Brooklyn from the Bridge and Tunnel definition and see if public consensus occurs.

    Being a Country Mouse I don't really know who's correct here. To satisfy my own curiousities, I do have an email in to 11 year Lower East Side Veteran KerriBlack for an expert testimony on B&T eligibility.

  7. I AM B&T AND I FUCKING LOVE IT. Anyone want to step outside and have words?
    Besides, everyone who’s anyone knows that Manhattan is the new New Jersey, duh.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s