Comedy Jackpot: Friendster’s Dating Tips for Men and Women

Dude. Nononono: Dude. Have you seen this section of Friendster?

Those of you who’ve read this blog once or twice before know that I am flat out obsessed with Friendster. I check it slightly less often than I check my email, and I spend significant amounts of personal time stalking old friends, boyfriends and Internet crushes on this site, despite the fact that no one has used it since 2003 and that all the cool kids are showing everyone their boobies over on MySpace.

Today, however, my obsessiveness paid off, because I noticed a cunning little feature just above the fold on the first page: Friendster Dating Advice. (Aren’t you glad you have me? I’m reading this stuff so that you don’t have to.)

First up: Article of the Week “How To Communicate With ‘Emotionally Distant’ Men.”

I looked in vain for the real nugget of useful advice here, which is obviously not to communicate with emotionally distant men, unless if by communicate you mean tell them to take off their pants or go bore their mother with their issues. Featured in this article instead of my sage tips? Many instances of CAPITAL LETTERS telling you THINGS YOU’VE HEARD A THOUSAND TIMES BEFORE, such as:

I realized something important this week about how men think and act.

It’s that men who pay attention and think about the feelings they have, why they have them, what they mean and how to talk about them are RARE.

(Wow. Thanks for that insight. Does NASA know you’re moonlighting?)

And also vaguely creepy and definitely snicker-worthy statements like:

Men have a “SECRET BUTTON” you can push that will make communicating with them almost effortless.

(You know, I pushed a man’s secret button once, but he asked me to stop. Har har.)

Other headlines include:

  • “The 10 Most Dangerous Mistakes
    YOU Probably Make With Men —
    And What To Do About It…”
  • “Secrets To Fixing Relationships ‘Gone Bad'”
  • “Why Men Withdraw … And What To Do About It”

    Incredible, isn’t it? It’s like the Cosmo Quiz on dumb juice. I’m almost impressed.

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  • 9 thoughts on “Comedy Jackpot: Friendster’s Dating Tips for Men and Women

    1. Dumb juice is my favorite. Also, who asked you? Honestly, I’m always amazed when people think I’ll be grateful for their editorial insight. If you don’t have anything nice to say, go get your own blog.

    2. “Does NASA know you’re moon lighting?”
      Quite funny – laugh out loud – in cube – again. Several odd looks from co-workers.
      Cubes kill.

    3. “Does NASA know you’re moon lighting?”
      Quite funny – laugh out loud – in cube – again. Several odd looks from co-workers.
      Cubes kill.

    4. There’s a button we can push?? Cool, I’m going to get on that. I recently bought a copy of Cosmo (I used to read it all the time when I was 3 and needed serious sex advice), and the funniest part of it was the feature on what men think, and “embarrasing moments had by guys” because they were obviously written by women (one embarrasing story about tripping over a trash can on a date included the phrase “hehe, I thought I would just die”, other stories included similar). So, I’ve sworn off mags, for the time being and have resorted to gleaning fashion tips off of my cousins;)

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