Jennie Smash Sucks!

The ol’ blog has been getting lots of negative comments lately. I’d like to think that this is because I’ve been less frequent with the updating, but more likely, it’s cuz some folks think I suck. This is actually good news in the bloggy world (g-nash your teeth, hate-filled friends of mine) cuz it means that someone is actually reading.

When I started this blog, I had three readers: my friend Kara, who sponsored my livejournal account, my friend Jude and my sister. That was it. Only three years ago, or thereabouts. Now I’ve got hatemail. It’s like being famous! Only a lot less annoying.

There aren’t many solid metrics in the blogosphere. You’ve got your free web stats, and whoever links to you. But if somebody hates your ass, you’re doing pretty well.

In honor of this, I would like to announce the first Official Jennie Smash Sucks Hate-a-thon. Please post your most foul thoughts in the comment section. I’ll give the best worstest comment a full-fledged post. Posts with email addresses get a full-fledged defensive fight. I’ll even promise to cry like a little girl, but only if you’re funny.

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22 thoughts on “Jennie Smash Sucks!

  1. Jennie Smashed moved away to New York, so the only thing that sucks about the blog is that it is not with sound and pictures. Otherwise, I just enjoy reading what you decide to say. Since I post to my own blog about twice per year, I can’t really complain. Oh, ya, there is one thing. There is too much cheese here to eat on my own.

  2. I like that your dad called you “Jennie Smashed”.. heh heh.. That does not suck at all. And neither do you – except when it comes to board games. Oh also, along with the cheese that your dad has left over, I have some salsa and sour cream that has been sitting around for months in your absence. Love you, pal – CC

  3. Ahhh, I got a mention! Woohoo! Is that my birthday present? (It really is my bday today)

    I can’t take part in the smashing of Smash. I can say that although I don’t know what happened to the bowling shoes that you, um, permanently borrowed for me in 1999, it’s one of my fondest memories. I heart Smash. And the rest of your fabulous Smash family.

    Also: you have very long eyelashes and I’m jealous.

  4. I love your blog because you suck at being a hypochondriac.

    Also having moved to NYC 5 years ago, it’s fun to see someone else going through all the new love/hate stuff with the city.

    -matthew

  5. I love your blog because you suck at being a hypochondriac.

    Also having moved to NYC 5 years ago, it’s fun to see someone else going through all the new love/hate stuff with the city.

    -matthew

  6. I think you suck so much that the next time I go to the bathroom, I’m going to bring a big magic marker and write in ginormous letters “JENNIE SMASH SUCKS DONKEY BALLS!” all over the toilet stall.

    I’ll also draw a hand giving the middle finger (even though it will look more like a five leaf clover than a hand because I suck at drawing).

    The reality is… I don’t really think you suck. Actually, I have an “e-crush” on you. Don’t worry, my wife doesn’t know. Payce!

  7. um, ok kids, mz. smashed said be mean, foul and funny – not tell her how much we all love her. therefore…

    mz. smashed – you suck for so, so many reasons. i’ll concede the fact that the world revolves around your vadge, but are we sure your vadge is actually deserving of such gravitational pull? you have the dumbest anonymous readers. you stick your nose in other people’s business and give snooty advice in a generally insulting manner making you a bit of a heinous B. your grammar is better than mine. also, you have enough readers to garner hate mail – it’s healthy for me to hate my superiors, yeah?

    all the reasons you suck are the reason i drag my frozen coal-heart to the computer and laugh fiendishly everytime you yell at women in front of their small children.

    p.s. my um is intended in the snobbish this-is-going-to-be-followed-by-a-nasty-judgement sense of the word, not the i’m-collecting-my-thoughts sense.

  8. um, ok kids, mz. smashed said be mean, foul and funny – not tell her how much we all love her. therefore…

    mz. smashed – you suck for so, so many reasons. i’ll concede the fact that the world revolves around your vadge, but are we sure your vadge is actually deserving of such gravitational pull? you have the dumbest anonymous readers. you stick your nose in other people’s business and give snooty advice in a generally insulting manner making you a bit of a heinous B. your grammar is better than mine. also, you have enough readers to garner hate mail – it’s healthy for me to hate my superiors, yeah?

    all the reasons you suck are the reason i drag my frozen coal-heart to the computer and laugh fiendishly everytime you yell at women in front of their small children.

    p.s. my um is intended in the snobbish this-is-going-to-be-followed-by-a-nasty-judgement sense of the word, not the i’m-collecting-my-thoughts sense.

  9. Jennie Smash sucks? It was a sad story, to tell the truth. First it began when she complained to me about roaches. Poor naive girl. Roaches would soon seem like a pretty high class problem. I tried to help her out and offered her some blow. Pretty soon she was doing guys in the hallway for $20. It was like Traffic except sadder, older, and with a bigger butt. Because if there was anything truly remarkable about Jennie, it was the size of her elephantine ass. The girl lived on cheese and blow, and the cheese was clearly winning. She was the only junkie I ever knew who actually got bigger. Soon she was begging me for just one more hit. “Don’t get all snottycakes with me” she would say, getting up off her knees. She smelled too. So does Jennie Smash suck? Yes she does. And then she would cry like a little girl.

  10. Off the subject: Who are Megadeth and the Drunken Mouse? I am way confused. My guess is that you first referenced them about 2 years ago.

    Can you host a refresher course?

  11. Megadeth and the Drunken Mouse are friends of mine. I’ve given them blog names to protect their privacy. After all, just cuz I’ve decided to humiliate myself on the Internets is no reason to expose them to public scorn.

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