I’m out of sorts these days, for a variety of reasons. One is that I’m on the New Hotness Diet and Exercise Plan, so I’m tired, sore, starving and pissed off. Another is that I am so over dudes, and I know you’ve heard that before, but this time, I mean it, I swear. Those other girls are kidding, but I have never been more serious. In the last week, I have had at least two conversations with dudes about the Dating Siesta and its implications for their behavior (or at least my reception to their behavior) and neither took it well.
Also, I’m pretty sure my friends are tired of hearing about all of this, which is why I’m bothering all of you with it. Ordinarily I try to shield you from the less entertaining aspects of my life, my little pumpkins, but it’s either this or a therapist. And ever since my last therapist stalked me, well, I’ve been a little gunshy.
My guy friends do not understand my dilemma at all. The Mouse for example, set down his beer and glared at me.
“Now let me get this straight,” he said. “You’re telling me that your big problem right now is that men want to have sex with you?”
“When you put it like that, it sounds stupid,” I admitted. “But listen, that’s all they want.”
“Honestly, most of the time, that’s all any of us want. That and beer. Oh, and an Xbox 360.”
And then I went and lay down in the road. No, I didn’t. I just blinked twice to let the fog clear and said, “But the problem is, that’s all they want.”
I have many problems, but perseverance isn’t one of them. (Or, depending on how you look at it, it’s the only one. Hmm. Hmm.)
Later this week, I caught up with my friend Deete on IM. Most people like to start their IM conversations with a simple, “Hey, how are you?” I like to open with a poll:
Jennie SMASH!: so let me ask you a question
Jennie SMASH!: do i seem like a giant ho-bag?
Deete: i’ve always said that about you
Jennie SMASH!: because i’m on this dating siesta, and 80% of my male friends seem to think they’re going to coax me into the sack
Deete: um just want what they can’t have
Deete: esp. if you’ve made it known that you’re on the siesta in the first place
Jennie SMASH!: well, that might have something to do with it
Jennie SMASH!: but it’s starting to piss me off, not to put it too strongly
Deete: i could see that
Deete: it would be one thing if they were sincere
Jennie SMASH!: exactly
Deete: but you can tell they’re not?
Jennie SMASH!: but it’s not really a compliment
Jennie SMASH!: oh, they’re sincere
Jennie SMASH!: they sincerely want me to remove my pants
Jennie SMASH!: and i’m sincerely sick of it
Deete: you should write just that in your blog
Jennie SMASH!: i think i will