Ma Smash: Are you looking forward to a little break?
Me: God, yes. I’m exhausted. Definitely time for a vacation.
Ma Smash: Well, you just come home. You won’t have to do a thing! I made a pie the other day, and I went to the store today and bought all the trimmings and I’ve been talking to old Thomas, who is in the fridge as we speak.
Me: Oh, man! I forgot you did that. Your theory is that it helps with cooking, right? Sort of like playing Mozart for plants?
Ma Smash: Yes, but right now I’m concentrating on putting old Thomas at ease. Don’t tell him what Thursday is. Y’see, I’ve told him that he’s a pet.