Ma Smash Update

Me: “I’ve had an epiphany.”

Ma Smash: “That’s wonderful! Epiphanies don’t come every day of the week, you know. If they did, they’d be called ‘the newspaper.'”

Me: “-“

Ma Smash: “Hello? Are you still there?”

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4 thoughts on “Ma Smash Update

  1. “I’ve had an epiphany.”

    As much as I appreciate your Mom’s capacity for bathos (now we know where you get it), are you going to leave us hanging like that?

    Hmmm, this DOES provide a golden opportunity to play “fill in the blank.”

    1) Convert to lesbianism.
    2) Swear off alcohol (in case you thought I was serious).
    3) Inspired by his recent speech at the Society for Neuroscience meeting, you move to Tibet and join the Dalai Lama in a lifetime of mystical meditation on the dual roles of science and society. And sex with bald guys in saffron robes.
    4) Two words: boob job.
    5) Two more words: grad school.

    Am I getting warm? Jayman, help me out here.

  2. Mystery solved. In the pages of the Washinton Post I have uncovered conclusive proof that Jennie and Donald Rumsfeld are in fact the same person. Who knew?

    “Last weekend, while other Americans were watching football and eating leftover turkey, Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld ended the Iraqi insurgency.
    It was easy, really: He declared that the insurgents would, henceforth, no longer be called insurgents.
    “Over the weekend, I thought to myself, ‘You know, that gives them a greater legitimacy than they seem to merit,’ ” Rumsfeld, at a Pentagon briefing yesterday, said of his ban on the I-word. “It was an epiphany,” he added, throwing his hands in the air.”

    It’s either that or an eerie synchronicity. Hey, it makes more damn sense than The DaVinci Code. Now the only mystery is why she thought her mom would care about the Iraqi insurgency.

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