Jennie Smash

By

Jen Hubley Luckwaldt

·

It’s a Bad Neighborhood in Hubley’s Head

Oh my God, you guys, I feel elderly. Everyone must stop having shows and things immediately. Also, they must provide me with a vacation home in which to recuperate. Or perhaps — this is my favorite idea — I will be hospitalized for “exhaustion.” Do you think those hospitals issue you silk nighties in which…

Oh my God, you guys, I feel elderly. Everyone must stop having shows and things immediately. Also, they must provide me with a vacation home in which to recuperate. Or perhaps — this is my favorite idea — I will be hospitalized for “exhaustion.” Do you think those hospitals issue you silk nighties in which to lounge? It seems like they should.

Meanwhile, because I know you’re all fascinated with my menstrual cycle and cannot rest until you get the update — “Where is she? Is it Aunt Flo time? Mid-month? How crazy is crazy? How seriously should we take any of her bullshit anyway?” — I have the worst case of PMS and am now so looney that I’ve decided that I am probably going to die of liver failure before the week is out. This is because I pulled a muscle doing sit-ups, and now I have a twinge in my side. It might be the side my liver is on. I don’t know anatomy.

I was explaining about my liver to a couple friends the other night, appropriately enough over drinks and one of them said, as if just at the moment having the realization, “Oh my God. You actually are crazy, aren’t you?”

Duh.

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Responses to “It’s a Bad Neighborhood in Hubley’s Head”

  1. Anonymous

    yes

    you are crazy

    in a world where people have to do situps

    in a city where there are so many people that there is another person, awake, within 40 ft. of your big toe at all times, 24/7

    in a country where a president gets impeached for lying about a blow job, but another goes scot free for telling lies that results in 2000 of our finest being killed to protect people who believe a god told them to hate us

    in a country that tolerates an oil cartel to crush the economy for the sake of one quarter’s super profits

    in a world where stopping to appreciate a sunset will get you plowed down and off the sidewalk into the gutter

    in a world where ….

    welllll…. you have to be crazy to stand it.

    do not give in to the tempation to become sane.

    that’s just crazy.

    Reply
  2. Caryn

    It’s not hepatitis. I promise.

    Reply
  3. Eric

    Ha! You still have a liver. Dontcha know? Livers are for loooosers.

    Reply
  4. Megs

    Does the liver have nerve cells?

    Reply
  5. Anonymous

    I agree with Anonymous: you are probably one of the most sane people I know, it’s the world that’s crazy!! Also, your liver is on the right, the upper right. And even though it doesn’t have nerves it hurts other things when it gets swollen. Which yours is NOT!!! Love, Ma Smash

    Reply
  6. Bev

    Geez, Anon, that was such a Debbie Downer.

    Reply
  7. taptaptara

    well i always knew you were crazy but then again so am I so it’s just fine.
    liver schmiver.

    Reply
  8. jayman

    Silk? No … the gowns are more like cotton/rayon blend and everyone can see your bum.

    However, the little cups they give you your meds in are quite cute.

    Reply
  9. Anonymous

    Do you have to drink? People say and do such stupid things when they drink.

    Reply
  10. The Donut

    My goal in life is to be hospitalized for exhaustion.

    Reply
  11. lpdrjk

    Ah, but anonymous#3, don’t you know that alcohol provides the path to wisdom? “Whiskey don’t make liars it just makes fools so I…didn’t mean to say, but I meant what I said.” Jennie is simply imbibing her way to a higher plane of existence. Any dedicated Buddhist would be jealous. Given that she’s obviously got a lot of things she wouldn’t otherwise be able to say it could take a while.

    Reply
  12. Kristen

    The liver’s on the right side, your right side. I don’t know if your liver’s undergoing some kind of revolution or not, but if your left side hurts, I’d say not.
    kristen

    Reply

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