I was hanging out with Joseph M. Paws the other day. We played the Biting Game, which consists of him flipping over on his back and sticking out his chest until I scratch it, and then biting me, and then looking at me like, “What? Scratch my chest” and so on. And as this was going on, I looked into Joe’s eyes, and I realized that he has not one single thought in his head.
Joe, you see, is kinda dumb. Brainwise, he has more in common with a golden retriever than a normal cat. For example, not too long ago I was over at Sean’s, and Sean left the apartment to take out the garbage. I was then treated to some insight into Joe’s love for Sean: As soon as Alpha Man left, Joe ran over to the door and stared at it. He looked fully prepared to do this all day if necessary, and I can only assume he does just that whenever Sean goes to work.
Cute, right? It gets better. After a minute or two of staring, Joe’s wee eyes sort of fuzzed. He lost his focus on the door, and then he looked around, like, “Dang, I was waiting for something. What was I waiting for? Hmmm. Hmmm. Wait! There’s a door here. Maybe I’ll stare at it and see what happens. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Wait. What am I doing by this … thingie. What’s called? A dooo…dooorrrr…”
And then Sean came in and it was like Christmas all of sudden, with the yowling and the prancing around.
Joe: Pretty, but not real bright.